Not the Schlossies

The Schloss-Blog was gonna' give out "Schlossie" Awards for 2019, for best of everythings. Instead, we're gonna' shout-out about things for which we're thankful. God knows there's a lot of 'em.

Thanks to Erin - you've done a lot of things wrong, my little girl, but Jordan is not one of them. But next time we're watching him play basketball and one of your high school crushes is there, a former star athlete, watching his son play, it's OK for you to say hi to him instead of sending me, the sports reporter who saw him play several times making for an easy re-introduction. Yes, he asked if I was your father and if you were there, d'oh, while you were curling up, hiding behind your Starbucks cup.

Thanks to ION television for providing me with hours of binge-watching syndicated episodes of Blue Bloods, Law & Order, Law & Order C.I., Chicago P.D. and NCIS Los Angeles. Oprah's network and USA provide a lot of the same too. No need to be an intellectual, tenured professor anymore now that I'm retired from that gig.

Thank you to Emily Horos at the Arizona Republic and John Radtke at the Daily Herald for keeping me busy on football sidelines and in high school gyms. Beats the hell out of sitting home and binge-watching Blue Bloods, Law & Order, Law & Order C.I. ... no, wait.

Thank you to Bridget Moynahan for being the sexiest A.D.A on any television police show. She still misses Tom. Tom still misses Wes Welker and Rob Gronkowski.

Thanks to Modern Family and Criminal Minds for many years of entertainment. How unfortunate they were all too accurate, even though Criminal Minds got so dark I couldn't watch it anymore. The bad part, the truthfully awful, scary part, is they get their plot ideas from hanging around at courthouses and perusing real criminal cases.

Thanks to Larry & Joan, Dave & Janice, Lauren and Fernando and Karla and Wayne for being our built-in Arizona family before we ever even bought our house there. You guys have been nice to "come home to" every time we come out there and there is no replacing that feeling. Karla, next time we go for drinks, don't walk the wrong way around the hill to our meeting spot so we miss each other.

Thanks to Radio Free Phoenix for giving me a creative outlet for my wackiness and discourse. I don't even have to talk about the music, if I don't want to, right Janie Pecorella? We need a Nathan's night, girlfriend.

Thank you Whistleblower and Democrats for catching Donald Trump in the act. And what an act it has been. The trial is gonna' make The Intern look like junior high school civics class, including the whispered, under-your-breathe, giggled name-calling.

Thank you Danielle and Evan, respectively, for taking very good care of our retirement needs. TIAA and Ameriprise, I salute you.

Thank you, God, for Margot Robbie.

Thank you, God, for Ohio State being in the college football final four. My wife is not depressed this year. Just don't let them win it all or I'm going back to Arizona two weeks before her.

Thank you Rolling Stones for touring ... 50 years and still counting, counting the $5 million per concert, that is, on the U.S. tour this past summer. Now the Doobie Brothers, with Michael McDonald, no less, are doing a 50th, and the Beach Boys did seven years ago.

In the past 10 years, we have caught up with Springsteen and the E Street Band, the Stones, the Eagles (twice), Ray Davies (of the Kinks), Jackson Browne, Ringo Starr and his All-Starr Band and Crosby, Stills and Nash. Nobody picks a guitar like Steven Stills (okay, Clapton, and Joe Walsh), nobody has sold more albums than the Eagles, nobody has more fun than Ringo and his rotation of all-star mates from various Rock 'n' Roll, Hall-of-Fame bands, nobody is a consummate showman like Davies and nobody but nobody electrifies a crowd like Springsteen.

Nobody. However,  Davies has Cougars literally throwing themselves at him, trying to crawl up on the stage, at the end of his show (Girl, I want, to be with you, all of the time, all day, and all of the night...)

Thank you, God. Clarence Clemons, Tom Petty you are missed. Steve Perry, kiss and make up with Journey already.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash. Merry Chrismahanukwanzukah to all, Love, Jordan and Coop (and Grandpa).

Yeah, But How Do You Really Feel About...

So, the Schloss-Blog wants to know this morning, how do you really feel about ...

• Albany State - uh, UAlbany, putting an FCS playoff beatdown on Central Connecticut, 42-14, in the first round?
• Who the heck changed it to UAlbany? It was Albany State when I graduated (I did graduate).
• The announcers in the Arizona-Arizona State Territorial Cup Game getting the teams confused regularly (they did, watch the tape)?
• Did you stay up to watch BYU-San Diego State?
• Why?
• Or Army at Hawaii?
• At least that game was 52-31.
• The Great Danes won an FCS playoff game!
• Bring on Montana State. Bozeman, road trip, who's in?
• Will Trump or one of his sycophants testify at the Judiciary Committee hearings?
• Why?
• They'd be under oath and forced to speak truthfully.
• As if that matters to them.
• When is the next Camps Orinsekwa-Sonnikwa reunion?
• In NYC? East Berne? Anywhere?
• When is the next GDX reunion? We must have an anniversary of something to celebrate, boys.
• In Nashville, not Albany? Cool. Gear up, Wayne.
• When can I go back to Arizona? It's freaking cold here.
• UAlbany, really?
• What's next, UArmy?
• How does a guy just walk down the street in London and start stabbing people? How does this happen? Why is there so much hate out there?
• Can't wait for Trump to arrive in London for the NATO Summit this week and pour gasoline on that stabbing fire there. He'll say something insulting, you can bet on it. Boris Johnson, the British Prime Minister, is already making plans to keep his distance from and not meet individually with Trump. Johnson's popularity and approval ratings are bad enough as it is in England. And the Trump baby-in-diapers balloon is being prepped for his visit.
• Now that Trump and his sycophants have been invited to participate in the Judiciary Committee hearings, call witnesses, even testify themselves, as they've complained so much that they haven't been able to do, they won't.
• Are the Bears back? Do the Cowboys suck? We'll find out Thursday night. They're both lucky they had the Giants on their schedules.
• Final Four for the FBS playoffs are ... not including Alabama. Nyuck, Nyuck!
• Ohio State looks like it could beat the Giants, so if I was Jim Harbaugh, I would think twice before taking the Giants job.
• What a week: Trump and Saban embarrassed within days of each other. Does Saban have a Twitter account?
• UAlbany? Me tossing diploma.
• Good night, Mrs. Calabash. Back on the air tonight on Radio Free Phoenix.

This Is Gonna' Be Ugly

One thing is certain after the impeachment inquiry hearings in the House: the presidential campaign is going to be ugly in 2020 and will likely filter to down-ballot elections.

Which is a shame. Remember when we were one country, indivisible?

An angry Donald Trump, having to be the first president to run for reelection as an impeached president (OK, Andrew Johnson was, but he failed to get the party's nomination), will be even angrier than he normally is.

This is what you will hear on the campaign trail: open borders ... MS-13 ... coming for your guns. I'm still looking for MS-13 down the street from my Phoenix home. Maybe I should go get a gun that the government won't confiscate to protect myself against them.

Next thing you know, he'll be attacking Colin Kaepernick for being ... Colin Kaeparnick. If it wasn't for Colin Kaepernick, four talented quarterbacks who have never won a playoff game - Matthew Stafford, Derek Carr, Kirk Cousins and Jimmy Garoppolo - might not be among the four most highly paid players in the league, surpassed only by quarterbacks who have won or at least been to Super Bowls (Aaron Rodgers, Matt Ryan, et. al., and here comes Dak Prescott), because Kaepernick would likely have one of their jobs.

Well, at least the president found a sporting event at which he finally got cheered - had to go to Alabama to do it (shocker).

For Thanksgiving, I wish we weren't a divided nation. I wish Colin Kaepernick wasn't being blackballed. I wish Trump had not committed the impeachable acts of bribery, obstruction and abuse of power.

But Kaepernick was and still is and Trump did, respectively (see Hill, Fiona; and Sondland, Gordon; and dare I say Giuliani, Rudy).

It pains me to write this. Pains me that our nation is at this point. Pains me to watch our country's representatives have to go to the pains they have to debate and debunk openly on TV. Pains me that the president, aside from impeachment, who said he would obliterate the nation's debt, has actually increased it at record levels.

This broken promise, more than any impeachment process, will hurt us all going forward. If we all managed our household budgets the way the government manages out nation's budget we'd all be broke and homeless, our houses foreclosed upon, living out of our cars or in tent villages on the streets.

But the economy is great, right, greatest ever, right? Here comes the recession, brace yourselves.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving, avoid political discussion around the table, lest it really becomes "Knives Out" and be prudent in your Christmas shopping.

I mean, you don't want it to become ugly, right?

Good night, Mrs. Calabash

What Bothers You, Bothers Me Too

The Schloss-Blog usually talks about what bothers him, but today, we want to talk about what bothers you.

For instance, does it bother you that for all of their complaining, the Republicans are complaining about the process of the impeachment inquiry but not the actual items that will become lines in the Articles of Impeachment, should they be drafted (when they are drafted)?

For instance, does it bother you that ESPN keeps telling you what any certain team's chances are - in specific percentages - of making the College Football Playoff or the NFL playoffs, respectively? I can do that just by eyeballing any team's remaining schedule, as I'm sure you can too. How the heck do they figure out the specific percentages anyway? Who does ESPN think it is, Caesers Palace?

Does it bother you that Jim Jordan of Ohio is a jerk, just a jerk? This is a guy who, as an assistant wrestling coach, allegedly did not report sexual violations in his program but he's more than eager to accuse anyone who's not a Republican of every crime, violation and ethical misjudgment he can possibly think of.

Does it bother you that the Houston Astros have once again been accused of overt cheating, this time stealing signs with sophisticated technology and then communicating them to their hitters with garbage can drum rolls and whistles? Last time, the Astros were accused of hacking into the St. Louis Cardinals' computer systems and were fined for it.

Who do they think they are, the New England Patriots?

Speaking of the Patriots, Tom "I'm gonna' play until I'm 45" Brady has been putting up rather pedestrian numbers of late, especially since starting off the season with two spectacular games and another pretty good one. His QBR, that rating thing the NFL loves, is now at 58.6 though for the season, pretty ordinary. Worse than ordinary.

There is not another Gronk out there to save him or another Edelman or even a Welker. The prediction here, Gisele talks him into retiring (she's retired) and "banged-up" Andrew Luck comes out of retirement to replace him, while Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels becomes head coach in Bill Belichick's place.

Just watch. At least that would put an end to Belichick's entertaining press conferences.

But does it surprise anyone else not that Roger Stone was found guilty, rather quickly, of all seven counts against him, but that Trump could pardon him? Will he? Or would doing so be an admission of Trump's own guilt? Stone lied to Congress and federal investigators to protect Trump as part of the Mueller investigation (remember that?). He regularly predicted he'd be acquitted. Looks like he who lives in glass houses shouldn't be named Stone.

Ask Paul Manafort about a Trump pardon. Ask Mike Flynn. Ask Rick Gates. Ask George Papadopoulos (remember him - he started this whole thing). Heck, ask Celebrity Apprentice contestant Rod Blagojevich. His prize was a prison sentence.

The Mueller investigation, however, so dismissed by the president and his congressional patsies, continues to knock out home runs.

Finally, does it bother anyone that the Bears passed on Patrick Mahomes and DeShaun Watson in the draft to take Mitchell Trubisky? You get what you pay for and boy, did the Bears pay for this. If the Bears don't make the playoffs, should GM Ryan Pace be dusting off his resume?

Calling it a  night. Good night Mrs. Calabash. No radio show tonight - technical difficulties.

Picking Up Where We Left Off...

...the Schloss-Blog wants to pick up on the comment by The Schlossberg about ESPN's Gameday telecasts on Saturday mornings.

They suck.

They just suck, from the revamped opening song with Big & Rich to the formulaic stories and commentaries, it just plain sucks.

First of all, the prior version of "We're Comin' To Your City" with Lzzy Hale was much better than the current version, with the new hot blonde, but Lzzy Hale is da' bomb.

The new version doesn't have the impact, doesn't have the pizzaz, doesn't have that certain je ne sais quoi. It also doesn't have Big Kenny's bare armpits, which are gross.

Lzzy Hale puts everything into that song, and you can see it at the end when she strokes her last riff in exhaustion. Just watch it and tell me different. I don't even think Joey Hottinger takes her there.

Now, it's no longer big or rich. The show, that is. Neither is the song.

The show has become, as mentioned, so formulaic. From the opening song to the smiling panel declaring how great the games are going to be because of how great all the players are and because, most of all, of how big the game is. (OK, I admit it - I'm watching AM Joy on MSNBC by then.)

Every week, it's the next "game of the century." I mean, you better not skip Marshall against UConn. Sounds like a good NIT matchup though.

Moving right along, can't skip Maria Taylor's insightful interview with the coach of one of the participating teams. I mean, I don't know about you, but I definitely want to know what the team had for breakfast.

Soon thereafter, Tom Rinaldi introduces you to someone like me, who's been among The Walking Dead since last year, and is now the inspiration for a Fox animation series on Sunday nights. By the way, there is no known cure Walking Dead disease except a bullet to the head. No wonder people shoot themselves in the foot instead, just not while they stick foot in mouth.

Anyway, the only thing worth watching is the game-winner selections at the end of the show, while Lee Corso puts on a weird hat and tells everyone else how wrong they are while so often disappointing the home team crowd behind him so many times. His picks, while humorous, are predictable. Notre Dame. Alabama. Ohio State. Oklahoma. Florida. Clemson. The guest picker usually has a better percentage than The Coach. The guest picker, unless it's Jerry Seinfeld or Katy Perry, isn't worth watching.

Such a tough job. Such difficult analyses.

Chris Hilvert, wherever you are, you're right; time to give Fox Big Noon Kickoff a look. Well, for now - Urban Meyer will leave to become the head coach at USC or Texas or Arkansas or the New York Giants next year. Maybe the Los Angeles Chargers, who need to sell tickets in their new stadium because they suck (did you watch them against the Raiders?).

Of course, Jon Gruden and the Raiders need to make the playoffs to ensure their ticket sales and PSLs in Las Vegas next year. Their fans must be ready to commute from Oakland to Vegas next year because they are still selling out the old Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum to support a coach with an unprecedented 10-year, $100 million contract, whose recently fired brother will likely be his offensive coordinator next year.

Unless he's Urban Meyer's offensive coordinator at USC. Texas? New York Giants?

Did I mention that ESPN GameDay really sucks?

Someone tell Trump, who got booed at a UFC event, he can't have his chocolate cake and eat it too at the G7 at the Doral. And tell Gordon Sondland you can't lie to Congress.

And tell Trump to stop going to sporting events until he finds one at which he won't get booed, and to stop playing golf and making believe he's working. No, wait...

Happy 20th anniversary, Chris Matthews. Hardball rocks.

Happy birthday to me. Yes, Colleen Harrison, I am still 54 today. Again.

Tune in on Radio Free Phoenix tonight. You never know who gets a shout out, Bob Frisk. Goodnight Mrs. Calabash.

More questions...

So, the Schloss-Blog wants to know...

• Who's the best QB in college football: Herbert from Oregon? Fromm from Georgia? Book from Notre Dame? Burrow from LSU? Tagiovailoa from 'Bama? Patterson from Michigan? Stanley from Iowa? Ehlinger from Texas? In other words, who's eligible for the draft that the Bears can get? Fields from Ohio State is a true freshman, unfortunately.
• Why are the Bears about to go to 3-5?
• Hello, Andy Dalton is available. Eli Manning is available. Nick Foles might be. Cam Newton might be. Heck, Josh McCown is still playing.
• Just spent a weekend in Marin County, where they had the power turned off so the county wouldn't burn up. I get it, safety first. But while PG&E is doing these rolling blackouts, they are also the reason the rolling blackouts are happening. Meanwhile, I was eating chips and playing Scattegories by candlelight with my cousins.
• Why am I going to the Sicilian Butcher for dinner on my anniversary? Sounds like I'm walking into a mob movie. Isn't that where Luca Brasi was killed in Godfather?
• Gonna' play golf with my friend Dave next week. Unless he's going for an MRI on his foot. Or is it his knee? His arm? It's calld, geting old. Older.
• How did Clemson, Alabama and LSU all have the same Saturday off?
• Why does my alma mater (for my M.A.), Northern Illinois, suck this year? Got clobbered by Central Michigan this weekend.
• Remember when UCF was Central Florida? What's wrong with being called Central Florida? They get ticked off if you call them Central Florida.
• Why is my undergraduate alma mater, SUNY-Albany, formerly Albany State, now called UAlbany? That's a powerful athletic connotation. UAlbany, me not happy about it.
• Notre Dame, Texas, Florida, USC, Washington, Michigan are all out of it for the FCS title. Good. Can't stand listening to their obnoxious fans, especially the Irish.
• Is that new WWE-sponsored football league gonna' make it when it comes back next year? Really? Are they trying again? Donald Trump for commissioner - he needs something to do when he's done playing president.
• Any truth to the rumor that the new TV show "Evil" is based on the Trump family history of discriminatory housing, everywhere from Queens to Baltimore?
• While I'm happy that I'll be able to come back to my Arizona place earlier than usual this spring, it's because my snowbird-tenant the last six years is battling cancer. Sad. That was not the reason why I wanted to be able to come back to the desert earlier than I usually do in the spring.
• The Washington Nationals are scheduled to go to the White House on Monday. Will they all go, especially the minority team members? The Red Sox minority team members didn't last year, including and especially their Puerto Rican. And do the Nats remember that their fans mercilessly booed the president when he was at game 5 of the World Series last week, so how is attending the White House going to sit with their fans (Trump is highly unpopular in D.C. and the area)?
• Why were the Bears the hit of the league last year and suck this year? Has everyone just caught on to their schemes?
• My Giants and Jets still suck. What else is new? New York sports suck right now.
• Quiz (no googling): Name the nine teams in the NHL, MLB, NBA and NFL whose nicknames do not end in an 's' and do it in less than a minute. Then name the six pairs of teams in the same four leagues that have the exact same nicknames (example: in college, Kentucky "Wildcats" and Northwestern "Wildcats," an exact match). 

Good luck. Listen in to the Howard Hours on Radio Free Phoenix. I'm on Saturday and Sunday next weekend, 9-midnight, Arizona time. You never know who gets a shout-out, right Bill Filetti? Good night, Mrs. Calabash.

Questions, Questions, Questions

Last week, the Schloss-Blog ranted. This week, the Schloss-Blog is asking...

• Did Mexico really say it would pay for the impeachment hearings and trial?
• Is anyone else tired of Mo-Tore in the Progressive commercials?
• Does anyone else miss Leverage?
• Does anyone else think Mitchell Trubisky is overrated? Underrated? Just right?
• Does anyone else want to go to Ukraine on vacation?
• Does anyone know why Dan LeBatard is AWOL on Highly Questionable, the funniest show on ESPN?
• Did Drew Brees make a mistake coming back a week too early, with the Saints' bye week to follow?
• Why do New York football teams suck? New York City, that is - the Bills are 5-2 with the Redskins on the schedule next.
• Why is Trump playing "Where's Waldo?" with U.S. troops in Syria? Iraq? Wherever?
• Why is Trump playing "Where's Waldo?" with his own address?
• Does anyone else binge-watch reruns of Chicago P.D., Law & Order and Law & Order: CI?
• Does anyone want to come out and help me cover my high school football games in Arizona? I need help when teams put up 60 and 70 points, which is common.
• If I fly to San Francisco on American and come back on United, should I park at American long-term when I get to the airport or at United long-term for when I get back? Either way, I've got a long schlep between those terminals at PHX.
• A female friend of mine has a crush on Pete Buttigieg. I told her to forget it, he's married. She said she doesn't care, she's going to make her play.
• Did Mexico say it would pay for the wall in Colorado? Or did Kansas?
• How is it that the Geico Gecko has never been run over in some city, somewhere?
• Accidently, that is?
• How did Rudy Giuliani go from "America's Mayor" to "America's Smear?"
• Coach of the Year in the NFL: Kyle Shanahan? Kliff Kingsbury? Frank Reich? Sean McDermott? Should it go to someone who gets a mediocre team to overachieve or to someone like - I don't know - Bill Belichick, who wins titles all the time?
• Which mall is bigger in terms of actual retail square-footage: Mall of America, Woodfield or King of Prussia? (Don't Google it - guess.)
• Is anyone still looking for Hillary Clinton's emails?
• If Baltimore is rat and vermin-infested, as Donald Trump contends, why is his son-in-law helping contribute to that image? Jared Kushner's realty company was just sued by the Maryland AG for having rat-and-vermin-infested apartment properties there.

Miss ya', Chicago. I'm coming home, soon. Meanwhile, listen to the Howard Hours on Sunday night on Radio Free Phoenix. You never know who's going to get a shout-out from yours truly.

The List

This week, the Schloss-Blog is focused on little things we hate.

People who don't signal when they change lanes (rampant in Arizona, especially people pushing carts in grocery store aisles).

People who drive real slow in front of you and then speed up and run a red light (that you miss - rampant in Arizona).

Announcers and play-by-play television analysts who don't point out obvious penalties that you and your mother both saw, and your mother has never been to a football game.

People who roll through stop signs (especially rampant in Arizona, where red lights and stop signs are considered "optional").

People in grocery stores who pause in an aisle and leave their carts in the middle, without enough room to get by on either side, and make believe they don't see you coming while they stare blindly at a bunch of soup cans, trying decide which one not to buy.

The people in the commercial who, driving around on vacation trying to entertain their bored pre-adolescent daughter, suddenly stop at a completely empty ocean beach and all jump in, to their little girl's delight, with no lifeguards or even any other people within miles. Sounds real safe.

Erin Andrews making believe she's a reporter.

The people who the producers of "Dancing With the Stars" consider to be stars.

People who don't think that "Hey Jude," "Layla," "One," "Stairway to Heaven" and "God Only Knows" were the five greatest rock 'n' roll songs of the previous century.

People who didn't believe in the University of Illinois Fighting Illini (Illinois 24, Wisconsin 23 - the Badgers were 31-and-a-half-point favorites).

People who can't believe that Matt Millen (Big 10 Network) and Mark Sanchez (ESPN) are paid football analysts. Or, maybe the people who can believe it.

People who didn't believe Joe Namath and the Jets could beat the Colts ("I guarantee it").

People who don't believe everything I say (my mother just rolled over).

People who don't read this blog (I don't - I just write it, is all).

Coaches who waste timeouts they wish they had later when they needed them to stop the clock and get the ball back.

People who don't believe in upsets and underdogs (they are the spice of sports).

People who don't watch Sports Center with Scott Van Pelt (so different from all their other Sports Center telecasts - worth it for the hysterical Bad Beats segment alone).

People who don't listen to my radio show (you never know when you're going to get a shout-out on the Howard Hours on Radio Free Phoenix).

So listen in tonight (and sitting in for Joe Catanzaro 6-10 a.m. today, Arizona time), and goodnight, Mrs. Calabash.

For my reaction to all things Trump, hit up my Twitter account (@hschlossberg).

The Sinners

They support that there were "very fine people on both sides."

They're OK with farmers and automakers being tariffed into oblivion.

They don't mind that children were put in cages.

They pay no mind that he was sleeping with a porn star and a Playboy model.

It's OK that he boasts of sexually groping women of his choice.

And now, they are OK with his leaving the Kurds to die. As well as openly soliciting foreign governments for dirt on political opponents (like, Ukraine and China).

His nonexistent healthcare plan hinges on taking away your pre-existing condition coverage.

They are happy Shep Smith is leaving Fox News.

They are the evangelicals who stick with him because they hope he will strike down Roe v Wade and deny women control over their own bodies.

Not gonna' happen.

Evangelicals everywhere should be ashamed of themselves for backing a man who turns his back on our allies, leaves you without appropriate healthcare coverage and has no respect for women, women who he tells to go back to the countries they came from (New York and Michigan, among them).

Evangelicals who stick with Trump, almost two-thirds of them according to public opinion polls, will wind up as betrayed as the Kurds are now, their ultimate hope unfulfilled.

Hopefully, the House impeaches, soon, and Trump is forced to run as only the third president to ever be impeached. This will gall him to no end, bruise his fragile, child-like ego and leave him an enraged candidate who focuses on policy even less than he does now.

It's not Trump who is America's biggest sinner, but the evangelicals who support him. This is not a religious issue for me - it's a moral issue. And Trump is proven to be totally amoral.

Now, if only whoever gets the Democratic nomination is willing to call Trump by the name by which he is known around congressional halls in D.C. - "Spanky" (thank you, Stormy Daniels).

Unfortunately, I have to conclude by saying that the only person who should be in bigger trouble with evangelicals is Clayton Kershaw, because he's a fine person in the regular season but not in the postseason.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash (Google it). Shawn, Vianca, Dana, you are all on my shout-out list for tonight's show on Radio Free Phoenix.

Wondering about...

Schloss-Blog is wondering about a few things.

Like, how come Donald Trump continues to lie about the Ukraine thing and call for investigations of everybody but his own administration?

Like, are the Giants being brought back to Earth this week by Minnesota or are they for real? Not. Patriots next week. Better win today, Giants. I'll take the Giants with the points though (getting 5-and-a-half).

Anyone get up early and watch the Bears in London? No, wait, you didn't have to. The NFL is making it a night game in London so that it's a regularly slotted early game in the United States. When you're good, it matters as to what time you get to play.

It's a difficult time though to watch sports on TV, there's so much inventory. October is the only month all four major sports are in action. How much you wanna' bet though that regular-season NFL games draw as many if not more viewers as MLB playoff games?

Baseball is boring. Takes too long. Can order and consume a pizza between pitches. Baseball does nothing to address it except talk about it. Never enacted the late Steve Palermo's recommendations. Largely just gave them lip service. Pity.

Meanwhile, back in Washington, Trump wants to investigate and convict everyone who doesn't like him. Unfortunately, that's everyone.

Anyone watching the Sunday news talk shows this morning? If you saw a Republican, please leave a post on or DM me on Facebook or Twitter (@hschlossberg). It was hard to find a Republican who would step up and defend Trump's conversation with the president of Ukraine or the release of text messages with his Ukraine entourage, which greatly incriminate him. Unless you watch Fox News, and even there it was difficult.

And if the economy is so good, unemployment so good, wages so good, stock market so good, why are most Americans living paycheck to paycheck, living without sufficient funds for emergencies, with little to no savings for retirement and wondering if they'll get laid off tomorrow?

Why is every quarterback who plays for and has played for the University of Washington named "Jake?"

Why are any PAC-12 football teams ranked nationally? They all suck.

Why does Rutgers have a football team?

Why is Nebraska overrated? The football team too. Ever drive through there, all the way to Colorado? Try it.

Trump is discovering that even his fellow Republicans think he's a pig.

Sad note: frat brother and friend Mike Lyons passed away this week. R.I.P., Mike. R.I.P. Will pay tribute to him on my radiofreephoenix.com rock show tonight.

Good night Mrs. Calabash. Thank goodness I found a Nathan's hot dog stand at the game I covered Friday night in Peoria, Arizona. Long live Nathan's. I love Brooklyn!








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Guilty, or Not Guilty? Yes. And No.

The president of Ukraine is guilty of being a pawn of Donald Trump.

He entertained Rudy Giuliani and Mike Pompeo and let them influence him into lying about his phone call with Trump (I refuse to call him president - hasn't earned it).

Trump is guilty but Mitch McConnell and his Moscow Choir will not find him guilty but that's OK, because Trump will have to run for reelection as an impeached candidate, something that will enrage, disgust and distract him from the real job of running the country, but he doesn't do that anyway, so ...

Moscow Mitch is running it, into the ground, by denying the American people opportunities at legislation, passed by the House, that would address our immigration, infrastructure, health care, prescription-drug pricing and voting-rights situations, among many others.

So if someone tells you the Democrats are not doing the people's business, don't believe it. The Do-Nothing chief executive is even pissed off at Fox News for not agreeing with him en totale.

Speaking of en totale, which Cubs will not be back next year? Theo Epstein says he's coming back, but is Joe Maddon, or will he take the fall for the failure and then look good in a Phillies, Pirates or Giants uniform next season, either back in his native Pennsylvania or replacing Hall of Fame-bound, multiple-time World Series champ Bruce Bochy, who is retiring.

Meanwhile, I'm coming back, to Chicagoland, around Thanksgiving, to cover basketball for the Daily Herald, as promised to my editor, John Radtke. In the meantime, I was honored to be interviewed by Eric Walters and his lovely assistant Christine about the disappearance of Keith Reinhard, my friend and colleague, dating back to my days at the genesis what is now Pioneer Press' Buffalo Grove newspaper. Eric, in conjunction with the Reinhard family, is producing Dark Side of the Mountain, a documentary that will explore the disappearance of Keith from tiny Silver Plume, Colorado. I spent part of a sabbatical semester in Silver Plume, talking to his friends and law enforcement and trying to generate other information that might lead to a conclusion as to what happened (OK, I went to a Rockies game too while I was there).

Is he dead? Did he run off and disappear? Was he murdered? Was he too close to a secret someone didn't want him to find? Will we ever answer any of those questions?

I only know I lost a friend and colleague who helped me launch my career, even though I was working for a competitor, as we grew close covering the same beat for 13 years before he disappeared. His Beatles parties are legendary.

There are split opinions over what happened to him and likely always be unless and until what happened is actually uncovered. If ever.

For his family, for all of us who knew and cared about him, I hope so.

Tonight, Sunday the 29th, at Flicka's in Scottsdale, I'm taking part in the Radio Free Phoenix Reunion and 15th-anniversary party, featuring bands we've featured on RFP as part of our playlists and special events over the years. Plus my shout-outs for most of the usual suspects on my shows (4-6 p.m., sitting in for Sharon Lynn Kelley, and my regular shift, 9 p.m. -12 a.m., all Arizona time).

Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash. Shanah Tovah.

Money, Power, Politics (with all due respect, Stephanie Ruhle)

This week, the Schloss-Blog is harping over money.

And power.

And politics.

Like, did you see how much MONEY some pro football players (and a wall) got this week and how much more powerful the already-powerful got?

Again.

Jared Goff, for instance, got a record contract, period. He's getting Aaron Rodgers money. He's getting Drew Brees money. He's getting Matt Ryan money.

Well, at least Rodgers and Brees have won a Super Bowl. Goff is getting $134 million over 4 years, including - are you ready(?) - $110 million guaranteed. That's more than Rodgers is getting guaranteed and twice as much as Brees is getting for two years, period.

Yo, Jared, call me when you win a Super Bowl. Defenses are starting to smarten up to you and your team's quick-paced, high-scoring procedures (see Bowl, Super, 13-3 loss to Patriots). You better win a Super Bowl soon.

Like this year.

Meanwhile, Ryan's favorite receiver, Julio Jones, got a record wide receiver contract, $66 million for three years while Ezekiel Elliott, who just wanted to hang in Cabo and skip training camp and preseason games, got $90 million. They probably deserve it. NFL owners make a lot of money, even through losing seasons (see, Cardinals, Arizona and 49ers, San Francisco), so the amount of money being thrown around should not be a surprise. The players - some very rich players - are the game. The owners are a bunch of rich guys - well, even richer guys.

But the POWER play here was by the Patriots. They didn't get Antonio Brown by accident. Brown requested his release from the Raiders.

On Instagram.

He wants a ring and the Patriots figure to help get him one. Except he's ineligible to play this week against the Steelers, where he started this calendar year, making this his third team this year. The Patriots only signed for one year after he forfeited some $30 million from the Raiders with his release.

But that ought to tell you how important it was to him to play for Belichick and with Brady.

What the POWERFUL want, the POWERFUL get in the NFL. Unless you under-inflate a football, that is.

The POLITICS of it all can make you sick. I mean, where's the money for the Bahamas? For the Carolinas? For the military bases that need childcare facilities for military families?

It's being transferred to build-the-wall accounts by our ignoble president.

Time to impeach the SOB.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash. Listen to my show on Sunday (4-6 p.m. filling in and 9 p.m.-12 a.m., my regular shift, both Arizona time) and hear your name called for "liking" the announcement of my being official herein on radiofreephoenix.com.

And "THE" problem is...

Schloss-Blog has some problems with football today.

Notice, not THE Schloss-Blog. Mostly because Ohio State has filed for trademark protection on "THE," to use on licensed merchandise mostly, but what happens to broader uses (by the way, it has no chance of being approved - then again, Ohio State had no chance of Urban Meyer leaving after his suspension, when he should've been fired, really).

What if that trademark was approved? No more, "The" New York Football Giants. No more "The U."

There could never be a "The Notre Dame." Or a "The Northwestern." Or "THE Man Who Loved Cat Dancing." And "THE Ten Commandments" would simply be "Ten Commandments."

To which I say, "THE F___ You" to THE Ohio State.

But not to Andrew Luck.

Shocker, indeed. Luck announces his retirement; he's not thrilled about the game anymore because of all the injuries he's suffered.

Bad news for Colts fans. Good news for Jacoby Brissett, who takes over - again - as quarterback, making this the second season in the last three that two Tom Brady backups are starters (we see you, Rolling Meadows' Jimmy Garoppolo).

The Colts are stuck with Brissett, although he's pretty good. We'll see how good if he can get out of these players this year what Luck got out of them last year.

Meanwhile, something tells me Luck will be back. He'll heal, get the itch and come back. Somewhere. Maybe New England after Brady retires after losing the Super Bowl to Eli Manning and the Giants (you heard it here first). That would be a New England/Belichick maneuver, stealing a star QB like that in that manner, and paying a token price for him to Indy. And where are they going to get a better quarterback to replace Brady?

Mark it down - Luck to New England to replace Brady, after this year or next.

Like Trump, he's The Chosen One.

I mean, Chosen One. Sorry,  THE F---in' Ohio State.

Just For The Sling Of It

The Schloss-Blog is watching a lot of hyped-up quarterbacks perform.

Like Daniel Jones. Hallelujah. Looked sharp against the Bears. Da Bears (hey defense, Monsters of the Midway, where are you?). Can Jones take Eli's job? Not this year, not till after Eli beats Brady for a third time in the Super Bowl (believe it).

Like Dwayne Haskins. Looked good. Of course, that was against the Cincinnati Bengals. Will he be the starter for the Redskins? Who cares, they suck.

Like Kyler Murray. Looked awful against the Raiders. The Raiders! The Raiders suck, or do they? Healthy quarterback, franchise receiver and a stepped-up defense and all of a sudden, one disastrous year later, Jon Gruden looks like a genius coming out of retirement.

Murray looked like crap against a mediocre Raiders team. Imagine when he goes up against one of the good teams in his own division. Kyler, meet Aaron Donald.

The only thing worse I saw this week was Donald Trump's disgusting tweet that got Israel to ban two American Congresswomen from entering Israel. Trump continues to prove he's racist. Period. Those two congresswomen aren't exactly my two favorites, but they're Americans and as part of their oversight responsibilities, they have privilege to travel overseas and see where and what for American foreign aid is going.

Even AIPAC, the American-Israeli political action group, supported their right to enter Israel. Here we go, once again, Donald Trump using political action against minorities and women.

What else is new? Hey America, if you want a racist president, then re-elect him. Otherwise, Sleepy Joe will do just fine, or almost any of the other surviving Democratic candidates.

Meanwhile, listen all day tomorrow to radiofreephoenix.com. Not only am I subbing on the morning show (6-10 a..m., Arizona time), but I'm doing my own usual Sunday shift, a little after 9 p.m. to midnight, Arizona time (Pacific, in August).

Will be spending the day wishing happy anniversary to Radio Free Phoenix on its 15th, happy anniversary to Woodstock, on its 50th, with special musical rock 'n' roll sets all day, but announcing our 15th-anniversary party for RFP at Flicka's in Scottsdale on Sunday, Sept. 29, 4-10 p.m. Come out if you're in the neighborhood and meet me (yeah, me) and all the other RFP radio on-air personalities, including founder Andy Olson and my mentors, Sharon Lynn Kelley and Liz Boyle. RFP has changed my life and given me reason to get excited about Thursdays, when the weekend playlist is issued and I see what I've got to work with for my shift.

And most of all, happy birthday to the love of my life - Jordan, my grandson, who turned 6 this weekend. He is so chill, so chill. The kid is amazing. Nothing fazes him, nothing. As I've long told my daughter, it skips a generation.

Hah.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash.

Speaking of Sports, of All Sorts

The Schloss-Blog today is actually going to stick to a topic in which it is knowledgeable - sex.

No, just kidding. Sports - we're gonna' talk about sports.

Being out here in The Valley, it is easy to get caught up in the Kyler Murray fever. Can't wait to see him play - even in just an exhibition game, for one series, that ended in a punt. But everyone was raving about the play-action, wide receiver screen to Larry Fitzgerald.

Which went nowhere.

Hey, Kyler can play. No question. He put up impressive numbers last season in the playoff game against Alabama, which might as well be a pro defense (except against Clemson).

But we've seen this kind of QB fever before. Anyone remember Johnny Manziel in Cleveland? He couldn't wait to "wreck this league," he said in a mid-draft text. The Browns fans rallied around him as the franchise savior in this, its reincarnation into the National Football League.

He was last seen trying to play for the Memphis Express of the AAF, which folded.

Then there was Robert Griffin III, the Heisman Trophy-winning savior of the Redskins. Two injuries and one short-lived playoff appearance later, he's backing up flashy sophomore-season QB Lamar Jackson in Baltimore. Redskins' fans rose up around him, rallied and wrote songs about the glory he would bring the franchise and bring it back to its Super Bowl-winning days.

Of the last millennium.

Of course, some guys with a lot of flash and dash have made a splash in the NFL when they entered. There's Baker Mayfield, who brought a breath of air to the Browns last year and gave their fans hope of becoming a playoff team for the second time since being reincarnated in 1999.

So far, his most impressive play, as far as the Schloss-Blog is concerned, is running from the police in Arkansas. When he gets the Browns into the playoffs, without tickets, let me know. Then I'll start paying attention.

Maybe it'll be worth going to the Browns-Cardinals game to see the Oklahoma quarterbacks tangle later this season, much later, as in December. The 15th. We'll see if both or either are playoff contenders by then or if the only thing that matters about that game is that two Heisman-winning quarterbacks from Oklahoma both started under center. That'll be the difference between Joe Buck and Thom Brennaman doing the play by play.

The only time you'll see me at that stadium in Glendale though is when the Rolling Stones come through The Valley on Monday, Aug. 26.

I'm watching my Giants, where I hear all the clamor is about Daniel Jones, the surprise 6th pick in the draft (instead of the much more impressive Dwayne Haskins of Ohio State - pardon me, THE Ohio State University).

Jones looked every bit the pro quarterback in his Giants exhibition debut that Murray did for the Cardinals. Even better, in fact. But it's still Eli's job and he'll retire after he beats Brady - again - in the Super Bowl this season.

You heard it here first.

OK, back to some politics next week. Not worth reviewing Trump's trips to Dayton and El Paso to talk about himself instead of utter the soothing, calming, uniting words the nation needs to hear in the wake of the shootings and racial slurs that have come out of the White House. And so many of the wounded who survived the shootings did not want to see the president, especially in El Paso.

Should be an interesting presidential campaign next year. Maybe Trump will get sent back to the country from which he came.

Queens.

Meanwhile, you never know who gets a shout out on the Howard Hours on radiofreephoenix.com tonight, sometime roughly after 9 p.m., Arizona time, or whenever that English guy who always infringes on the starting time of my show finishes up his harangue. Like, 9:15 or so. Anyway, happy anniversary, Lauren and Fernando, and happy new car to me and new job(?) to my daughter.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash.

All Things Lead to the Marquee

When words can inspire lone wolves to shoot up a mall, a superstore and night-spot district in major metro areas of the United States, it's pretty bad.

When it's the words of the President of the United States, it's a crime.

The Schloss-Blog has so much going on, (a BG reunion, a UB40 concert with Sugahbeat opening for them, and NFL training camps), but definitely has time enough to mourn and think deeply about the upcoming elections. Do you support a local politician who supports a racist and attracts racist support? Do you support a local politician who won't do anything about gun control laws and loopholes that allow for the types of shootings and arms gatherings that happened in this country in the last week?

Maybe it's time to rethink your political leanings. I know I have.

Meanwhile, it's tough enough following all the races. Democratic presidential, NFL playoffs and bigoted.

Take Donald Trump's racism, please. He says his tweet about Elijah Cummings' home being broken into wasn't racist but was a serious expression of concern. About as serious as my blogs about him...

There's the race for the Democratic presidential nomination between Joe Biden and 20 people you never heard of nor ever wanted to. Seems Barack Obama wasn't too popular with all of them, except Biden.

When did Obama become unpopular? With his own party? That will not trend well into the national election.

Well, at least that race should be easier to follow going forward. There will be a lot fewer candidates on the stage at the next Democratic debate in Houston next month because they won't hit the required fundraising numbers in dollars or number of contributors.

Thank God.

This was getting worse than when there were 20-plus Republicans running for the nomination in 2016 and somehow Trump emerged anyway.

Has anyone noticed the trend though? The Republicans are running away from him. One told a media outlet, in confidence, he's sick and tired of making excuses for explaining away Trump's political, lifestyle, racist and social media indiscretions. It's gotten to the point that Trump has scared many Republican members of the House of Representatives into not running, including the only black, Will Hurd of Texas. And now the candidate recruiter for the Republican National Committee is stepping down from her position in frustration over Trump's indefensible racist espousals.

It's almost as if Trump doesn't want to win reelection, even though he'll likely face indictments if not reelected. He likes a fight so he's actually itching for impeachment, which is why Nancy Pelosi won't give it to him.

Yet.

She will, eventually, when she's good and ready and thinks it will come at a point when it will hurt him the most politically and irritate him the most personally, so personally that it'll get under his skin to the point he'll screw up even more than he already has with all his racist tweeting and commentary.

But so much for politics. Let's get to real races, like the NFC North, which, as we all know, the Bears will win handily. Will they, or will they read their own press clippings and show up and get their butts kicked?

Every year, of the 12 teams that make the playoffs in the NFL, at least four do not repeat, despite their confidence and braggadocio that they will not only repeat but go further. Sorta' like the Bears - they were not only not in the playoffs the year before, they went from worst to first in the division just like that, and then typically double-doinked themselves out of the playoffs. For instance, Pittsburgh, Jacksonville, Buffalo, Minnesota and Carolina did not repeat, regular season '17 to regular season '18.

S__t happens.

So, NFL fans, Bears fans, do not take them for granted this year. Strange things happen when teams with chips on their shoulders go after teams with supposedly superior talent.

Even Mick Jagger noted it when the Rolling Stones played Soldier Field. Strolling out to about midfield on a runway to a platform from which the band played a few songs, Mick noteat he was standing approximately where the Bears missed a field goal in the playoffs the year before. The low murmur that ran through the 70,000 people there was just audible enough to barely register on the annual Chicago sports frustration chart.

You can bet at least four more teams that made the NFL playoffs last year will miss them this year. Don't take the Bears for granted. Don't take anything for granted.

And you can double-doink down on that.

***
Don't miss the Howard Hours tonight on radiofreephoenix.com at 9 p.m. Arizona time. Like I always say, you never know who gets a shout out. And Arizonans, don't miss Sugahbeat opening for UB40 at the Marquee Theater in Tempe on the 29th of the month. Surefire fun show.

And Buffalo Grove's class of '79 reunion is upcoming in September. BG alums, be there for the football team that almost won a state championship and "Back those Bison."

And The Race Is On...

The Schloss-Blog is here to remind you this week that the race is on.

Or should I say the racist? Donald Trump is sooooo playing the race card that it is funny. Now it's "Send her back," preceded by, "Send Them Back," presumably to the "shithole" countries from which they came, those being New York, Detroit and Chicago, and Somalia, via Minnesota. They're Americans, you idiot, Trump.

This fits Trump's history of things, like:

• 1973 U.S. government discriminatory housing suit, $100 million settlement;
• Calls for death penalty for Central Park 5;
• 'Many fine people on both sides' in Charlottesville;
• Birther movement, 2011;
• Shithole countries, 2018 (Haiti, El Salvador, and anywhere in Africa);
• And now, calls for four American Congresswomen to be sent back home.

But he's not a racist, right? He doesn't say racist stuff, right? He doesn't do racist things, right? Of course, you noticed him trying to tamp down the chanting in the crowd at his North Carolina rally, right? Yeah, me neither. He relished in it.

Oh, and he said his wife and his daughter were not bothered by the chanting. So does that make them part of "the race?"

Disgraceful, especially from a president of the United States.

Anyway, speaking of races, the NL Central is all within striking distance of each other, although the Cubbies are starting to look like the second-half Cubbies we've come to know and love since Joe Maddon took over, except for the last games of 2018, that is, and went home They do not look like a pennant-winner to us though. Or do they?

Speaking of races, can the Bears win one, at last? Speaking of their home turf, there were three funny sequences at the Rolling Stones concert I attended at Soldier Field:

• First, Mick strolls out to the platform at midfield along the ramp extending from the main stage and promptly reminds the 70,000 or so in attendance that this was the spot from which Cody Parkey missed a field goal against the Eagles. It elicited a murmur and not much more from the crowd. I guess Mick, like Trump can shoot someone on Fifth Avenue and get away with it.
• Second, Mick starts singing "Midnight Rambler." Keith Richard starts playing "Paint it Black." Mick tells Keith he's off-key. Keith tells Mick he's off-song. Oops! They proceed to do "Paint it Black" and Jagger promptly tells the audience, "Guess what's coming next." Uh, "Midnight Rambler," obviously, sparking rumors the show was entirely dubbed. It didn't appear so and there were no backup musicians visible either. It was too authentic anyway to be prerecorded.
• Last, Mick welcomes Mayor Lightfoot and Governor Pritzker to the show. He welcomed them the previous Friday. They weren't there that night.

Had dinner before the show at Bar Louie in Chicago's South Loop, the neighborhood adjoining Soldier Field. Everyone there was wearing Stones stuff. Asked the couple sitting next to us at the restaurant where they were sitting and they said the same place they sat Friday. Must be nice to afford two $875 tickets, two concerts in a row, four days apart. They also flew to Zurich last year to see the Stones. Talk about fans. Talk about money. Talk about envy.

One more thing: CNN has noted that Trump uses the word "sir" a lot when he lies. Played back the tapes of him denying "shithole," Tillerson's "f'--in moron" quote and 'many fine people' in Charlottesville.

He didn't say "sir" in denying those. And I ain't lying. No sir.

Also not lying about who gets shout outs tonight on the Howard Hours on radiofreephoenix.com at 11 p.m. Central, Bentley Patterson and Bill Filetti.

And condolences to the family of Gary Kleifield, who passed away over the weekend, longtime pal from grad-school days. R.I.P. Gary.

Celebrating Celebrity in America, And All That It Controls

The Schloss-Blog is here today to ask ... who's in charge here?

In the NBA, who is running the league? LeBron Freakin' James, that's who. He has set the precedent that you can go to any team, any time, whether your contract is up or not.

I'm all for free agency - it's about time the players, who are the game, made their due. Even with all they get paid, the owners are still sitting on most of the cash. But LeBron said I want Anthony Davis, and he got him, even though Davis is not a free agent. LeBron gave away every Lakers' draft choice for the next millennium to get him, but why be picky? To get Davis, he gave away three good players as well.

Davis wanted the big lights and the big city and he got 'em. With his injury history, he'll need them. LeBron's too. Those two will have to monitor their minutes to be healthy for the playoffs (what if they don't make it - have you seen their bench?). And everyone is writing off the Warriors already, well, especially without Durant, Cousins, Iguodala, Livingston and Thomspon, the latter for the greater part of the season. Steve Kerr learned a lot from Michael Jordan, Phil Jackson and Gregg Popovich. He has something up his sleeve and an owner not afraid to spend to get it.

But look around. Durant and Kyrie Irving decided they wanted to play together. So they are. Kawhi Leonard and Paul George decided they wanted to play together and make the Clippers a contender. And they are and they have, respectively.

Can you imagine baseball players doing this in free agency or trade demands? Never happen, especially with George Steinbrenner not around anymore to accommodate those who would want such. Super teams don't last in baseball anymore. The Cubs were the next super team. Now they're just a good team. Well, not too bad a team.

The best super team I can think of is the U.S. Women's National Soccer Team. Dominant. Super. Victorious. Champions. Over and over again. I hate to tell you this, everyone, but at next year's Olympics in Tokyo, the U.S. Men's basketball team is going to get a challenge. From Latvia. From Spain. From Greece. From Italy. From France. From Turkey.

The USWNT in soccer, meanwhile, is going to win gold. They want it back.

But in basketball, as we said, the players have taken complete command of the league, deciding who's going where and when, contract status notwithstanding. Hey L.A., you've got two playoffs teams now. But Denver is going to the Finals. Maybe Utah (take a look at what they did in the draft and free agency - they are going to be tough and might have the best Mike Krzyzewski-trained coach in the business (Quin Snyder). The only question is whether the league wants a team from Denver or Salt Lake City in the Finals for the impact it would have on ratings. It's already bad enough that the best team in the East, this upcoming season at least, is going to be - Indianapolis. Yeah, the Pacers. Made great free-agency and draft moves and kept their best players, while weakening Milwaukee and the Greek Freak.

Now, will someone please tell Dolan to sell the Knicks. Please. Actually, someone did. A fan at a Knicks game. Dolan had him banned for life from Madison Square Garden. And the Knicks still suck. Apparently, so does the owner.

I hate to spoil this sports party, but I've been in something of a debate with my Trump "friends" over his knowledge of social media, his handling or lack thereof in international policy, his bromance with American citizen-killer Kim Jong Un, his continued, mistaken belief that tariffs have billions pouring into us and his denial of close association with role-model American Jeffrey Epstein, who was let off by debunked Secretary of Labor Alex Acosta. Trump's history speaks for itself.

So does the Schloss-Blog's. Have a great week. Listen in tonight - you never know who gets a shout out on the Howard Hours on Radio Free Phoenix (9 p.m., Arizona time).

History According to Trump

The Schloss-Blog, as the public service to which it is devoted, presents this updated version of American history, according to '45' himself, Donald Trump. As such, we have obtained this original copy of the speech he was to deliver at his "non-political" event on July 4.

"My fellow Ukrainians, it is with great honor and pleasure that I welcome all 500 or so of you to this celebration of American hysteria, the biggest in our glorious history.

In the great War of 1812, in which our valiant troops were inspired by the Star Spangled Banner, so beautifully crafted by Abraham Lincoln, the United States formed a more perfect union by defeating the evil Columbia drug lords looking to pass through Mexico and bring their violence and illicit temptations with them, the beginnings of MS-13. They remain parked outside your doors in Detroit, Seattle, Louisville and Charlottesville, where they are among the many fine people on both sides.

But we stood firm, and many of them are still imprisoned in the concentration camps we have built along the Mexican border, camps I like to call the Rio Grande Hiltons.

And so, time passed to the Mexican War, some 35 years later to 1847, in which, supported by our great Sherman Tanks, our soldiers valiantly beat back the invaders from Central America, even those seeking asylum, and we won Mexico as the U.S. colony it remains today.

This has enabled us to collect billions of dollars from them in tariffs we never invoked against them. Mexico still gripes about it, but these dollars will enable us to build what I like to call the Great Wall of Mexico, in honor of them paying for it.

You see, I do keep my promises. We have worsening air quality and extreme climatological conditions because of the promise I made to get us out of the Paris Accords. And I expect Iran to join North Korea shortly in shooting off nuclear and ballistic missiles in celebration of our nation's birthday.

But that is a great part of our future history to come. Historians will look back on this era as greater than that of any other president, including William Jennings Bryan, who, as Joe Biden's personal role model, is a three-time loser.

Let these two tanks flanking the Washington Monument serve as reminders of Bryan's three failed third-party runs at the White House.

And you wonder why I shine next to so many other presidents? Did they have foreign golf properties? Did they have resorts where guests paid exorbitant rates to overpay to join?

This is the new American beginning, and if not for our victory in the Civil War, which not only maintained Mexico's colonial status but enabled Canada to become our colony to the north. all would've been lost. The French would've occupied Venezuela, in violation of the Monroe Doctorate, which he worked hard to earn at a good school, like the ones I attended and where I learned I had bone spurs in my heels that would not allow me to do anymore beyond playing golf at the courses of my choice with beautiful models for caddies and cart drivers rather than go fight in a war in some shithole country in which I would eventually kowtow to a little fat rocket boy in a summit that was a waste of his time.

The French blew it though. If they had occupied Brazil instead, they would've had Pele, who hit more home runs than Sadaharu Oh.

Meanwhile, look at this beautiful Americana around us (some word, Americana, huh?). As history has shown us, those with might win the fight, as we have against Russian invasions of our elections and Chinese theft of our technology. These insufferable acts will only continue as long as I am your president, so don't forget to get out there, look for your local polling place, which will be marked by a Sherman Tank no longer in use, and get in there and vote.

History is history, and I intend to keep it that way, even if I do use American war materials and generals as props in my campaign appearances, isn't that right General Dunsford? You look a little tight, Joe, my chairman of the joints chiefs of staff,  like you're standing over a prospective, tournament-winning putt. Chill, buddy, chill. It's not like you have to give a speech at a politcal rally. Just stand there.

And Ivanka, I'm so proud of you for the way you dominated that conversation with international leaders at the G-20.

Anyway as we close the day, our 173rd birthday as an independent nation, let us remember all the brave soldiers guarding the safety and solitude of 2-8-year olds, unsupervised for months at our Rio Grande Hiltons. And, as they consume water out of toilets, eat your heart out, Mexico.

Good night, America, and remember, only I could get us here and only I could take us further."

All the Way, But to Where

So, in England, the Yankees and Red Sox are showing the Brits how to hit home runs - uh, play baseball. If only they could show 'em how to Brexit properly, or Brexit at all. Something tells me they never will.

Show them, that is.

The field they're playing is on so short for baseball dimensions that every team is petitioning the commissioner's office for a couple of games there. Or else rebuild Ebbets Field or the old Yankee Stadium with that short rightfield porch.

Speaking of dimensions, why not hop over to the Demilitarized Zone between the Koreas for a quick handshake and chit-chat with Kim Jong-Un? Couldn't be safer, right? I mean, the guy kills his own half-brother in more public spaces.

Meanwhile, back home, Kamala Harris is making Joe Biden look like a rookie politician. Is she a courtroom tiger, or what? What a prosecutor she must have been. Maybe she won't get the Democratic presidential nomination. But would she ever cut Trump to shreds on a debate platform.

And Julian Castro is letting Beto O'Rourke know that he has to do his homework better about immigration just as Harris did to Biden about race and segregation comments.

Meanwhile, Trump is skating on all this. Or is he? He joked with and brushed off questions about telling Putin not to interfere in the 2020 elections, despite the Mueller Report findings that conclusively showed that the Russians interfered.

Mueller is going to testify before the House Judiciary and Intelligence committees, respectively, in a joint session. That's a joint session you might want to light up for.

Back in Boston, while the Sox and Yankees battle in London, the investigation into the shooting of former Sox star David Ortiz continues, acknowledging that Ortiz was the not the target, but rather the man beside an alleged known associate of a leading drug cartel.

Big Papi will eventually emerge from a Boston hospital and at-home rehab to backslap, gladhand and joke with the Boston media that reveres him and do everything but answer the question about why he was hanging with an alleged known associate of a drug cartel who was the supposed actual target of the shooting.

Hey, if it gets you in the Hall of Fame, good for you. But is there any truth to the reports that Roger Clemens and Barry Bonds are seeking drug cartel "executives" to hang out with and hitmen to shoot them while supposedly aiming at the cartel reps for sympathy toward an HoF voting in?

Oh, where have you gone Rafael Palmeiro and Mark McGwire? And Sammy Sosa?

Run, Run, Run .. But for the Right Position

Twenty-three Democratic presidential candidates and good on 'em. So many females, so many minorities. This is good for America.

But they're not all going to win, so here's a novel thought.

In 2018 you took back the House. Now in 2020, take back the Senate. Hey presidential candidate John Hickenlooper in Colorado, you can beat Republican Cory Gardner for that Senate seat. Hey presidential candidate Steve Bullock in Montana, a Red State, you can beat Steve Daines. Hey Beto O'Rourke in Texas, you damn near beat Ted Cruz - which means you could beat John Cornyn. And if you won't, hey, Julian Castro of Texas, you can.

Stacy Abrams, I know you are not formally running for president and what a great running mate you'd make for whoever gets the nomination after having the Georgia governorship stolen from you, but don't you think you could beat David Perdue for his Senate seat?

And Michael Bennett in Colorado, hold onto your Senate seat.

If most of that let alone all of that comes to pass, you take back the Senate, no matter who wins the presidential election. If Trump gets re-elected, and he could, all of you are laying tracks now for a run for the seat in 2024 against Paul ("I'm baaaack") Ryan of Wisconsin, who would love to be back in office, any office, with Trump out of the way to constrict him.

Now that's just my take. But, hey, Democrats, take it back and start running the country sensibly again with the pride you have long earned with the American people and around the world.

Speaking of running, saw Kyle Schwarber of the Cubs steal a base the other day. Yikes. And Todd Gurley might not be running as much for the Rams if his injury is as bad as we're being lead to believe. Pay attention to that, fantasy footballers.

Still trying to figure out why the NY Giants think Golden Tate is a better option at wide receiver than Odell Beckham Jr. and why Daniel Jones is a better prospect to groom at quarterback behind Eli than Dwayne Haskins. but they do, although I don't believe OBJ will be missed in the locker room.

Meanwhile, how are the Toronto Raptors doing this? Yeah, I know there's no Kevin Durant while Klay Thompson and Kevon Looney are playing through injuries, But the Raptors have been the better team, period. And Kawhi Leonard and Kyle Lowry have been playing through injuries of their own (let alone insults, in Lowry's case).

Major League Baseball is on pace to set a single-season record for home runs this year, by a long shot. Do you get the feeling that MLB chemical guys are working overtime in MLB clubhouses "collecting samples?"

Tune in today, by the way. I fill in for dear friend Sharon Lynn Kelley at 6 p.m. Central on Radio Free Phoenix and then do my own gig, as usual, at 11 p.m. Central. And of course, you never know who gets a shout-out on my shows. Maybe you.

Pitching and Moaning

Spending as much time as I have watching football the past week or so, you notice a lot of things about which to pitch and moan, something that almost got me suspended once at Columbia College Chicago by someone about whom I easily could pitch (not the real word I wanna' use) and moan forever.

More about Columbia later...

For now though, I have witnessed so many mistakes made by college football players that they don't deserve their paychecks anymore. The better the team, the more the mistakes, although mistakes by Ohio State and Alabama usually get erased by refs hesitant to throw flags on the players of Urban Meyer and/or Nick Saban. (Scoop City: you heard it here first: Urban Meyer will coach again.)

Defensive backs for so many teams, in the pros too, never look back for the ball on pass plays. Never. They depend on the receiver tipping that a pass is en route and when he does, then they stick a hand in, hoping to time it precisely to the arrival of the ball and avoid a pass interference penalty.

Ninety-nine out of 100 times, it doesn't work. If you're a DB and you don't turn and look for the ball, you're gonna' get flagged for pass interference.

I have said this 100 times: who is coaching DBs to play this way? If you're man-to-man on defense, you must - repeat MUST - know where your man is and where the ball is at all times,

It is just that simple. You see it in the pros all the time too. Who is coaching DBs to play like this? Whoever you are, you couldn't work on my staff.

Speaking of staffs, how about that White House staff! What's left of it, that is. There are interim and acting department heads and even chiefs of staff all over the place. Sorta' like the thinking patterns of the man who keeps dismissing and then replacing them with "temps." Me, I just have a gut feeling on that.

Well, if nothing else, Donald Trump is proving he knows more than the generals, just like he said during the presidential campaign. Hey, he fired 'em all so he must know more than they do because he gets briefings now that they don't - of course, he doesn't read them.

So he's spending time back in the White House (instead of his beloved Mar-a-Lago, where Melania jetted off to), pondering through his executive time, as he calls it. What does he do during that time? Probably the same thing that the person who wanted to suspend me at CCC does; execute first, think about why later. The old Ready/Fire/Aim technique.

So, welcome home troops from Syria.

And hey, Chris Callahan, what up?