If You're Reading This...

The Schloss-Blog is thinking that if you're reading this...

...you just might be sitting in an airport lounge or gate waiting to be rebooked after your flight was one of the 27,000-plus that has been canceled since Christmas Eve.

That's 27 thousand.

...if you're reading this, did you know that dogs are being trained to sniff out ... COVID? No, really. Will that lessen the severity of COVID if you're infected or make it last not as long as it would've otherwise? Chew on that, will ya'? Get it? Chew on that... NVM...

...if you're reading this, you know that coronavirus was trending as the most-searched term on Google last year. But did you know that No. 2 was ... are you ready(?)... Australia versus India in the Men's World Cup cricket matches. Yeah, cricket.

...if you're reading this, you know that Becky Hamann is one of the best basketball coaches in the world.

Yeah, a girl

...if you're reading this, you know that 199,000 new jobs created last month does not jive with the 3.9% unemployment rate, which marked the largest annual decline in that stat, like, ever...

So, does that mean "new jobs" does not include the thousands upon thousands of people who quit jobs (the record-setting Great Resignation), as people who just quit one job to take a higher-paying one do not show up in the "new job-created" category. Would my cousin the economist please chime in here?

...if you're reading this, you know that Republicans in Congress paid no homage whatsoever to what we lost as a result of the insurrection last year. As far they're concerned, if didn't happen. Tucker Carlson told them so.

...if you're reading this, hopefully, you're not awaiting elective surgery. You know, like, torn knee ligaments, torn rotator cuff or hip replacement.

Because you've likely been bumped by the unvaccinated #COVIDiot who has your ICU bed.

...if you're reading this, Antonio Brown just tweeted something else evil about Tom Brady.

Brady says Antonio needs help. Does he ever!

...if you're reading this, the Cubs suck and the Bulls are good. Hey Chicago, when did that happen?

...if you're reading this, the Eagles just added 12 dates to their Hotel California tour. Yes!!!!!

The band, not the football team.

...if you're reading this, did you know that North Dakota State has three quarterbacks playing in the NFL: Trey Lance, Ethan Stick and Carson Wentz.

Take that, Brigham Young. Purdue. San Diego State.

...if you're reading this, you should know the five states with the highest per-capita rate of cases of COVID right now are: Tennessee; North Dakota; Florida; Mississippi; and Arkansas.

Yeah, Red states. Shocker, right?

...while you're reading this, another 2,300 flights just got canceled.

Like, yours!

***

My friend Ellie says Novak Djokovic traveled to Australia on his MasterCard because they wouldn't accept his VISA.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.

More Sunday night on my Radio Free Phoenix rock 'n' roll show (that means tune in for your shout-out, @AllisonSheedy and @MeganCaruso).