So, your mom's prostitute? And the problem is..?

So, you’ve got this handsome, sharply and appropriately dressed young man in your office.

He’s applying for the opening you’ve advertised and his credentials appear to be a perfect fit: he has endurance; fitness; smarts; thinks on the fly; has the expertise necessary for his position; has had the appropriate training in college; and has social skills that shine in any office or inter-client environment.

So what’s the first thing you want to know about him? What is the one essential that will separate him from the qualifications of the other young men who will apply for this same position? Some of them you’ve already interviewed and you were impressed by their appearances.

So how is this new young man under pressure? How is he when the right move has to be made, no matter what? How is he at beating the opposition to the spot where the deal is sealed, the contract is executed and the men are separated from the boys?

Literally.

Let’s see, how about starting with: what’s your sexual orientation? There’s a deal-closer.

Why stop there? Even if the prospect answers that to your company’s satisfaction, how about the natural follow-up: is your mother a prostitute

Such was the case at the recent NFL Combine in Indianapolis, where running back Derrius Guice was asked just that, or so he says, by one of the teams that interviewed him.

What’s next? Try this: “A boy is 17-years old and his sister is twice as old. When the boy is 23-years old, what will be the age of his sister?”

That is an actual question from a sample Wonderlic exam that the league has been famous for using to measure mental capacity among the athletic studs gathered to show off their running, jumping and other agility skills.

But seriously, in a league known for a Greg Hardy, a Ray McDonald and a Ray Rice, why not test for a Sada Abe, Sally Salisbury and/or a Lulu White [in someone’s ancestral background. 

How long before 23 and Me and Ancestry are bidding to be the official DNA bloodline ancestral background-checkers of the league.

Think about it: it could probably help eliminate any more “wardrobe malfunctions” at halftime of the Super Bowl, ever.

Well, actually, nah…

But when the whole league is on malfunction alert, what’s a halftime boob flashing by comparison?

***

Emptying the notebook:

In a move that is leading to a change in the Process-of-The-Catch Rule, the league has declared that the prospective game-winning catch by Detroit’s Calvin Johnson in the waning seconds against the Chicago Bears was a touchdown and should not have been overturned on review on the basis of the “process of the catch.”

Eight years later.

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Should pass interference be a 15-yard penalty or a spot-of-the-foul call? The league is considering the former. As it stands, it’s the latter. 

In college and high school, it’s the former, except in college, it’s spot-of-the-foul if it occurs beyond 15 yards downfield.

What do you think? As if it matters to the league…

***

Finally, this nugget. OK, let’s say, this slice. Papa John’s, which protested that the player kneeling protests during the national anthem were costing it pizza sales because of its association with the league as an official sponsor, is dropping its official contractual relationship, therefore.

Better ingredients. Better pizza. What about Papa John’s though?