Why I want to cover Madonna. No, J-Lo. No, Gwen Stefani. No, ...

I WANT TO COVER THE SUPER BOWL ... MEDIA DAY, THAT IS

The best part of the Super Bowl is ... Media Day.

All the weirdos come out. Would-be brides. Scantily dressed (would-be) female reporters (with all genuine respect to Christine Brennan, the first, and last, of her breed).

All the weird questions come out. Marry me! Who's gonna' win? (D'oh.) How many points will your team score ("Uh, more than the other team"). Can you pull off a Joe Namath (response: "Who's he?").

The best part of Media Day is ... the media. We get to show how poor we are (we don't prepare and why should we when you can cover the whole game from the headquarters' hotel lobby on your laptop or iPad based on info from press releases).

The reality is that everyday is Media Day. Reporters from all outlets have to file stories everyday. Someone has to ask dumb questions, and we have dumb questions: how will you stop Tom Brady [with a Lugar]; How will you solve the 49ers defense [by hijacking their bus]; Who's gonna' guard Hakeem Nix (no one; we're counting on Eli to screw up].

And the big one: can you beat God - uh, Tebow?

Media Day is full of an international gathering of reporters who can't speak English writing about players they can't understand playing a game they've never seen in a stadium full of drunks.

My question: what's Madonna wearing? And is there a party where I can hit on her?

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Great quote in the local papers from Cubs new GM Jed Hoyer: "Anytime you go with young players, it's the right thing to do." Welcome to year 105, Cubs fans.

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If you watch ESPN, you've seen the promos for, "It's not crazy, it's sports." This current theme is what people have risked on bets: being dropped off in the middle of nowhere in a baby outfit; spilling water all over the crotch of your pants so it looks like you peed all over yourself; oddly shaved hair and beard. I want to meet the people who make bets like that and the people who thought to display that in network promos.

ESPN has finally gone over the top. Its promos are too ridiculous. ESPN was once fun to watch because it didn't take itself too seriously. Oh, for the good old days...

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The Bears are edging closer to naming a GM. Except who wants to be GM of a team where all the GM's decisions have already been made (coach and staff; front-office personnel; roster core)? OK, I'll do it, but only if they call within the next 10 minutes.

***

Some Cubbies are saying the NL Central is up for grabs, what with Prince Fielder gone and Ryan Braun missing in action for 50 games in Milwaukee, plus Albert Pujols outta' here. Hey Cubbies, look around: Brewers have a real pitching staff, Cardinals have a championship staff.

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Hall-of-Famer Warren Moon calls Oklahoma State's Justin Blackmon a "...beast...like Dez Bryant with all of his brain cells." Uh, Warren, don't get presumptive...

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The Indianapolis colts reportedly will take Andrew Luck with the first pick in the NFL draft. The NY Jets media will reportedly take Peyton Manning with the first paragraph in their NFL draft coverage.

***

OK, Madonna, prove our generation is better than theirs and outshine the Peas and Q's who performed last year at halftime. Wait a minute, did I say performed?

Enjoy the game. The football too...

Howard Schlossberg is editor of the Journal of Sports Media, with his first edition due out this year. He's an associate professor of journalism at Columbia College Chicago, where creativity and learning are embraced hand-in-hand. And he still writes sports for the Daily Herald in Chicago's northwest suburbs. http://journalsportsmedia.blogspot.com; www.colum.edu; http://www.facebook.com/pages/CCC-Journalism-Columbia-College-Chicago/115604591875424