I Love Arizona

The Schloss-Blog wants to reflect on all the things that make Arizona ... Arizona.

I'm heading back to Illinois for the summer because in Arizona, it is always hot ... except in the summer. Then it's hotter. A lot effin' hotter.

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In Arizona, traffic patterns are kind of ... odd.

For instance, you can be the only car in the left turn lane in one direction, with no cars in the left turn lane in the other direction.

Yet, the vehicles in all lanes in the other direction get a green light. Not you. In fact, you never get a green arrow. You just wait out traffic in the other direction, which, on streets like Camelback Road, which are tantamount to Sheridan Road in Chicago or Ocean Parkway in Brooklyn, means next Thursday.

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In Arizona, "Stop" signs are for pedestrians.

Yellow lights are for the out-of-towners who observe them.

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In Phoenix, the police cruise around in oversize SUVs, white ones with words and logos in blue paint on the side

In your rearview mirror though, it looks like just another oversize, white SUV, which might as well be the official state vehicle.

You're not sure which it is. So, can you speed? Run a light? A "Stop" sign? Not come to a full stop when making a right turn on red?

Of course you can. This is Phoenix. The cops all do. Then they usually just watch as you don't.

No, really.

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In Chicago, they pick up construction after 5 p.m.

In Phoenix, they pick up construction after 5 months.

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In a Starbucks in Phoenix, at 6 a.m., they need lessons in customer service.

That's because right after they opened, they couldn't make coffee because they ran out.

Of filters.

And so they bump you up to an Americano instead, and charge you full price for it instead of giving you the courtesy of a freebie, or at least the lower price of the regular coffee they couldn't make because they ran out.

Of filters.

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Only in Arizona, or maybe somewhere in Florida, do they write - and publish - letters to the editor calling for controlling gun violence by legalizing murder and giving everyone a gun.

Archie Bunker lives.

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Only in Arizona is every other driveway a golf course entrance.

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Phoenix is, however, to good extent, a suburb of Chicago, despite being the 5th-largest city in the United States.

You don't go anywhere out here without running into Chicagoans, retired or otherwise. The Cubs are still the biggest spring-training draw, when there is a spring training, and Chicagoans are prevalent in spring-break attendance.

And now Lou Malnati's Pizza and Portillo's hot dogs have invaded The Valley.

Thank God.

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On one of our first visits to Arizona, we went to dinner with a fraternity brother who lives here and his wife. He cautioned us to be careful about talking politics in an open, crowded room around strangers because of the conservative political atmosphere here. Twenty years ago.

Now, despite there being two Democratic senators from Arizona and Biden having carried the state, I realized at the gym this morning, a really nice one I joined, that half the people there probably voted for Trump or Mark Kelly's opponent or Kirsten Sinema's.

Guess I'm spoiled having grown up in Brooklyn and having lived most of my adult, working life in the Chicago area.

That notwithstanding, Republicans, discriminatory, racist Republicans and the conspiracy theory-believers who voted for them, all suck.

A big one.

Maybe, just maybe, the rapid growth of Arizona, especially Phoenix, has spawned a younger, more-liberal populace here.

Maybe, because the Republican idiots in the state legislature are pushing laws to restrict minority voting ability and restricting mitigations against COVID.

#COVIDiots. Too many of 'em here, too many.

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Everything happens earlier in Arizona.

Morning Joe at 3 a.m. Monday Night Football on Monday afternoon. Saturday Night Live in prime time at 8:30 p.m., when a real good college football game is on.

Then again, SNL will not be the same with the quartet leaving now - Kate McKinnon, Pete Davidson, Kyle Mooney and Columbia College's own Aidy Bryant.

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But enough about Phoenix, where recounting votes takes six months, costs taxpayers millions, finds no evidence of fraud but does find more votes for "the other guy."

I'm a big fan of Saturday Night Live, but it looks like being a musical guest is either a kiss of bad luck or a case of bad judgement by the SNL producers.

Two recent musical guests, rappers Young Thug (Oct. 16, 2021) and Gunna (April 9) were both arrested earlier this month on a 56-count indictment of violations of the RICO act (Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations act). They allegedly belong to YSL (Young Slime Life), a criminal enterprise. They are reportedly involved in a plot  to "distribute methamphetamine, hydrocodone, and marijuana," as well as Gunna being in possession of a stolen firearms.

I get it - SNL has been "out there" sometimes this season on musical guests.

Unfortunately, some of their musical guests have been "out there" when it comes to being role-model citizens.

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In Georgia, where they try to make it hard for Blacks for vote, now they make it hard for Black athletes to travel through the state.

Delaware State's women's lacrosse team bus was stopped by Georgia's Liberty County Police on the way back from a game in Florida, allegedly for a minor traffic violation.

But video by players on the bus shows "...law enforcement members attempting to intimidate ... student-athletes into confessing to possession of drugs and/or drug paraphernalia."

In addition, a K-9 is sniffing around the vehicle.

Officers even went through passengers' luggage before informing them nothing illegal was found.

In case you're wondering, Delaware State is registered as an HBCU (Historically Black College and University).

Delaware State officials have classified the incident as "profiling and harassment."

Well, what would you classify it as?

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Finally, read a "Fast Company Compass" article on eight words to never say in a job interview.

Don't tell them you're a "self-starter." Don't tell them you're "motivated." Don't tell them you're a "people person."

If you haven't figured out that it works better to give examples of how motivated and productive you are rather than just saying you are, you probably don't deserve the job.

Even if you are a "people person."

Like me.

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Good night, Mrs. Calabash. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.

More Sunday night on my Radio Free Phoenix rock 'n' roll who, and stay tuned for the Bohemian Night Cat, John Kirk DeRitis, right after me.

Jordan, I'm coming home. Looking forward to seeing you play.