Friday, June 19, 2020

The White Republica President Tells No Lies

The Schloss-Blog has learned exclusively that the Trump campaign, trailing in the polls, will be resorting to distortion.

For example, in the very near future, expect to see:
  • On election eve, Trump announces the coronavirus vaccine is en route to doctors' offices and hospitals near you for injection this weekend; 
  • Trump announces at the GOP (petri-dish) Convention that his administration is introducing carefully crafted legislation granting blacks and women the right to vote, on a limited basis;
  • Trump will announce he is going to read the Bible instead of just holding it upside down in front of a church;
  • Trump will announce that he will only use the U.S. Military domestically to attack naturalized citizens and DACA recipients, or anyone from a shithole country;
  • Trump will announce he's firing the Supreme Court justices in their entirety and is starting to rebuild the court by naming Bill Barr, Jay Sekulow, Ty Cobb and John Dowd to the court and maybe as its only members, permanently;
  • Trump will issue an executive order banning arm-bar chokeholds by the police but will allow the use of police nightsticks and batons as strangulation weapons;
  • Trump announces he'll take election campaign assistance from foreign countries, even shithole countries, but not immigrants;
  • Trump says he considers 200,000 dead from COVID-19 by election day to be collateral damage in what he tells Fox News is his expression of compassion for the victims and that no one has more compassion for them than he does;
  • Trump announces a forthcoming further tax cut, but this one for Fortune 500 and top one percent only because he doesn't want the money going to perhaps undocumented, asymptomatic coronavirus carriers;
  • Unable to pull the licenses from MSNBC and CNN, he announces he's having the Department of Energy cut off  power to their respective broadcast centers;
  • Trump announces that Radio Free Phoenix's David Hughes will become FCC Commissioner;
  • Trump announces that his "Book of Poetry" is a best-seller - in shithole countries and Norway;
  • Trump announces he's garnering Democratic support by having affairs with various senators from California, Arizona and New York;
  • Trump further announces he's garnering Democratic support in the Senate by dispatching Melania to have affairs with certain senators from New York and Illinois;
  • Trump revises that by sending Stormy Daniels in and paying her from campaign funds;
  • Don Jr. and Eric announce that the COVID virus is all over as they test positive and positive is a good thing, right(?), they declare;
  • Trump announces that Putin is setting him free by relieving him of his debt to Deutsche Bank;
  • And finally, Trump announces if he loses the election, he'll move someplace where they love him: Norway.
More on my Radio Free Phoenix show tonight.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash. Here's to you, Mrs. Robinson.

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