ESP-Nding

Is it just me, or does ESPN SportsCenter have more fancy graphics now during its "Top 10" presentation than it has actual top plays?

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There must be a lot of desperate sports fans out there. Why else would so much sports programming have so many ads for match.com and eharmony?

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Scary thought: NFL preseason games - exhibitions - generate ratings as good or better than regular-season baseball. Yikes!

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OK Mets, Mariners, Cubs, Astros, Padres: rebuilding time is over. It's time to win again. Remember that? Try it. You've been stocking everyone else's prospects long enough.

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I am really, really tired of the postgame dousings and shaving-cream pies for baseball players. It's one game, assholes. Get over it.

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Who says horseracing is dead? In planning for a reunion with my fraternity brothers, I noticed it would cost into triple digits just to get in, eat and drink at a popular track near our old college campus. That's before placing any bets. Looks like we're going to have to run instead with the proletariat, fight for finish line views and wait in long lines to place bets while hoping the tip sheets we bought are accurate.

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And finally, I'm reading where ESPN says its soccer coverage of World Cup was second to none (except Univision's, that is). Hello, Mother Ship, Roberto Martinez was the only not-American studio analyst who spoke understandable English (even better than the Brits with their damn plural verbs on singular nouns). And he was the only one bold enough to call out errors. Otherwise, using foreigners to analyze their own countries' games resulted in wins followed by celebratory boasting or losses followed by tear-laden pity parties.  

Cedric the Entertainer

Yeah, the big guy is my title today, not because I'm a big fan but because we all probably remember the Bud Light ads which he always concluded with, "it's .. it's not so bad."

He was right.

Just listen to Amy Van Dyken talk. The six-time Olympic Gold Medalist did just that on ESPN2 yesterday. And beyond her words of hope and optimism, you can feel her message, literally feel it.

She calls every day "a blessing." She jokes that she's learning to drive again, so "watch out." I will invite her to come speak to my Sports Reporting class at Columbia College. She'd no doubt be the best speaker ever.
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I see where Patrick Peterson of the Cardinals is now the highest-paid cornerback in the NFL. Yo, Patrick, call me when you win a Super Bowl.
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Getting very tired of the hypocrisy of baseball players smashing shaving-cream pies in the face of or spilling water or Gator Ade buckets over the heads of that night's game star during a post-game interview.

Enough. Networks never show fans running in the field so why show this? It's one game and the only reason it's done is to get on TV. Shame on you ESPN for always showing it. Has nothing to do with the game. Save it for the playoffs, World Series.

When I played softball, we slapped high-fives after every game and went and got a beer. Tell these multimillion-dollar babies to grow up, especially the ones who are on mediocre teams. I've already seen enough of you this season. I don't need to see pie throwing or buckets overturned.

Save it for the playoffs, if you're good enough to get there. Which you aren't.

Shades of Gray

So the movie opens soon and I couldn't resist getting gray for my annual summer toe-nail coloring. Looks great. Just for summer on the beach. We'll see what kind of hottie reaction we get. Hah! As if...

Anyway, it is all about sex this summer; "Fifty Shades of Gray" in theaters and "Satisfaction" on TV. There's even GQ with Emily Ratajkowski on the cover and in a subsequent spread looking like she's posing for the SI Swimsuit Issue. Speaking of which, SI Swimsuit Dream Girl Kate Upton keeps showing up in movies. Can't miss her.

Meanwhile, was chatting with two friends yesterday about the Donald Sterling court ruling. Can't decide if the judge ruled him crazy, racist or that he has to sell the Clippers. Or all three. And here I always thought doctors declared you crazy, not judges. And Al Gore thought it was presidents who appointed judges and not judges who appointed presidents.

And now comes the controversy over the generalization ESPN's Stephen A. Smith made about women "provoking men" in regard to the Ray Rice case. Next, "Stephen A" is going to tell us his favorite sports role models when it comes to how to treat women are Tiger Woods, Kobe Bryant and Ben Roethlisberger.

Watch out, Micheal Sam, he's probably gunning for you next. Or maybe Tony Dungy.

Every Little Breeze...

...seems to whisper winds of playoff hopes and Super Bowl contention for every NFL team this time of year.

Every free agent acquired and every draft pick is a "perfect fit." Every new head coach brings just the right touch. Every new coordinator will fix last year's 31st-place ranking on either offense or defense.

Puh-leeze. I've had enough. Every article sounds like a rewrittten press release. Can we have some real reporting,  please? And not just the latest Johnny Manziel update from Vegas.

These sound like spring training reports from MLB and training camp reports from hockey and basketball.

Please, it's the dog days of summer,  when baseball alone can't carry the load of keeping up my interest in sports. Three of the four majors in golf and tennis are over. The NFL is in training camp and we all know what that means (see above).

The Tour de France ends today and World Cup soccer is long ago over. The winning rider's Tour de France team is drinking champagne on the route. Yikes!

Stop the madness. Report something important before I start paying attention to real news.

The Rant is Back, Starting at the Gym

I'm back. And I'm ranting and raving. About everything except football, about which I rant and rave for thesportspost.com, the best sports post out there.

Am going to start feeding this post more often. LIke this morning, when the idiots at my gym dragged fans over to their cross-trainers to keep cool. Except it's on a clearly marked no-fan-use side of the floor.

These are people who don't want to sweat. These are people who are probably afraid to work up a sweat in the bedroom. These are people who don't want to take a shower later and probably don't and then sit down next to you on the commuter bus or train. These are people who have gained weight and blubber over the years despite all those times showing up at the gym.

And a lot of it is in their brain matter. Wake up. Read the signs. Follow directions. Be smart.

Or is that impossible?  Rhetorical question.

Until next time...