Lochte and Loaded

POST-OLYMPIC PHELPS AND FLOPS:

EXCESSIVE CELEBRATION: I am tired of watching guys get shaving-cream pies in the face during every postgame MLB interview. I'm tired of basketball players celebrating every basket like it was their last (I wish it was). I'm tired of every football player celebrating every sack - when they're down 14.

Just high-five it and go home, assholes.

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TAKE THAT, JONATHAN VILMA: An Italian soccer player, Emanuele Pesoli, makes any other so-called passionate players trying to clear their names look like amateurs. He actually chained himself to his home-country's league office doors to protest his banning from the league in a match-fixing scandal.

Are you listening, Jonathan Vilma? If you were really serious, you'd do something more dramatic than try to make the NFL trot out whoever ratted you out, along with your bounty-hunting co-conspirators.

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Zac Stewart. Brett Lillibridge. Kevin Youkilis. A resurrected Adam Dunn. A resurrected Alex Rios. Jake Peavy. Chris Sale. Addison Reed. Brett Myers. Francisco Liriano.

Ian Stewart. David DeJesus. Tony Rizzo. Ryan Dempster (Christian Villanueva and Kyle Hendricks). Paul Maholm. Travis Wood. Sean Marshall. Chris Volstad.

You tell me, Cubs and Sox fans, which team has a savvier GM?

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Religious zealot Jerry Newcombe's brother Rick, a syndicated columnist, says his brother was mistreated by the Huffington Post in an editorial commentary.

Rick, if you really think so, write your brother a check and then go home and and shut up, asshole.

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In political news, former Salt Lake Organizing Committee Chair Mitt Romney (you may have heard of him) is getting ink for proclaiming that we Americans should be "living within [our] means," according to esteemed political conservative hack Kathleen Parker.

Mitt Romney? Living within means? Good one! Now, if only the rest of us had the means to live within.

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Did I just call political columnist Kathleen Parker a "hack?" I'm sorry. That was a compliment. I meant something much worse.

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So I read where someone proclaimed Mitt Romney's business experience at Bain Capital would be a national asset.

If that was true, Ross Perot would be serving his fifth term in the White House about now.

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At a time when Penn State is being bashed and sanctioned all over, Matt Anderson (men's volleyball) and Tim Benedict (Stihl Timbersports) shined in athletics, giving the school something to be proud of.

At last.

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So just when Associated Press syndicated columnist Tim Dahlberg was declaring there should be an end to the Dream Team concept in Olympic basketball because of all the blowouts, the Dream Team should've lost to Lithuania and might've lost to Spain.

Good call there, Tim.

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Some journalists covering the London Olympics called British food great and U.S. Boxing awful. I'd call British food garbage (why oh why weren't the games in Paris?) and I'd call boxing judges biased or incompetent. Or both. Take your pick. Their work reminded me of the figure-skating judges in the Salt Lake 2002 Olympic Winter Games.

Where Mitt Romney presided, right? And he wants to be president? What, screwing up an already screwed-up SLOG wasn't enough?

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Yo, International Olympic Committee, it was a disgrace that you did not commemorate the Munich disaster's 40th anniversary with a moment of silence for the Israeli athletes slain in that incident with terrorists.

But you didn't want to "offend" the 21 Arab countries in the games, did you?

Assholes.

Thank you, Bob Costas, for carrying out your own moment of silence during the Opening Ceremonies when the Israeli delegation marched in. You are officially invited over to break the fast on Yom Kippur.

No, really!

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Howard Schlossberg is editor of the Journal of Sports Media. He's an associate professor of journalism at Columbia College Chicago, where creativity and learning are embraced hand-in-hand. And he still writes sports for the award-recognized Daily Herald in Chicago's northwest suburbs.