A Few Things to Put a Bow on 2019

Actually, the Schloss-Blog thinks there is no way to put a "bow" on 2019, but here are a few things I've been wondering and I bet you have too. For instance:

• Who will Eli Manning be playing quarterback for next season, if anyone? Jacksonville? Miami? Cincinnati? Denver, like big brother Peyton before him? New England, if Brady retires (or does that job go to Andrew Luck, who mysteriously "heals" and comes of retirement)? My bet is Tampa Bay, because Bruce Arians is fed up with Jameis Winston.
• Hey Evangelical men, still in love with Donald Trump? As much as he'd probably love to do your wife or girlfriend, something tells me that's too much of a "lift" for him.
• When will the College Football Playoff expand to eight teams? It has to. There are five so-called "Power" conferences and only four slots available. It's time the five conference champions got automatic slots and then three wildcards get in (woulda' worked for Nick Saban this year).
• Is Moscow Mitch the most arrogant person you've ever seen in your life? He almost makes Trump look polite.
• There are almost 40 college football bowl games this season and only three of them matter - the two championship semifinals and the title game. In the other 37, most of the big names and All-Americans are not playing to avoid injury before the NFL Combine and NFL Draft. If they're not playing, I'm not watching so some announcer hyping the game can tell me that this backup who is playing is a real talent who is finally getting his chance.
• I see, finally, Trump signed a bill into law that keeps the government open and - significantly - officially creates the "Space Force." Can't wait to see the next iteration of Buck Rogers up there in outer space protecting us from invasion from Russia, China and E.T.
• ...and Ukraine
• ...and Guatemala.
• One thing we have blocked Russia from is the 2020 Olympics in Tokyo. Any Russian athletes who were not disqualified for PED use can compete under a neutral flag. Donald Trump swears the Russians are innocent on this, mostly because Putin was very forceful and strong in denying it to him.
• Trump and family spent the holidays at Mar-a-Lago, where he charges Secret Service and other government personnel there the max on bar tabs and food and has exhausted the Secret Service's budget trying to secure such a property so many times. I cannot wait until the courts release his tax returns to the public.
• For all my cynicism, sarcasm and snarkiness, I owe a lot of people a lot of things: Emily Horos, for keeping me close to home as much as possible with my football assignments in Arizona; to Andy Olson, Sharon Kelly and Liz Boyle for helping me be a semblance of a deejay on Radio Free Phoenix; to Reji Labege, for trusting me with her work to edit and fact-check; to Ja'net Oitzinger, for laying the foundation for our lives in Arizona to be as comfortable as they have become; to Larry and Joan, Dave and Janice, Karla and Wayne and Lauren and Fernando for being the best built-in family we could ever ask for in Arizona; and to Bob Frisk, may God be smiling down on you as you deal with the most difficult times and issues in anyone's lifetime.
• Oh yeah, and to the Rolling Stones, for one kick-ass show at Soldier Field.

Have a great 2020, or at least a good one. Mine is gonna' be better than my 2019, I guarantee it. Good night, Mrs. Calabash. And Happy New Year.

Not the Schlossies

The Schloss-Blog was gonna' give out "Schlossie" Awards for 2019, for best of everythings. Instead, we're gonna' shout-out about things for which we're thankful. God knows there's a lot of 'em.

Thanks to Erin - you've done a lot of things wrong, my little girl, but Jordan is not one of them. But next time we're watching him play basketball and one of your high school crushes is there, a former star athlete, watching his son play, it's OK for you to say hi to him instead of sending me, the sports reporter who saw him play several times making for an easy re-introduction. Yes, he asked if I was your father and if you were there, d'oh, while you were curling up, hiding behind your Starbucks cup.

Thanks to ION television for providing me with hours of binge-watching syndicated episodes of Blue Bloods, Law & Order, Law & Order C.I., Chicago P.D. and NCIS Los Angeles. Oprah's network and USA provide a lot of the same too. No need to be an intellectual, tenured professor anymore now that I'm retired from that gig.

Thank you to Emily Horos at the Arizona Republic and John Radtke at the Daily Herald for keeping me busy on football sidelines and in high school gyms. Beats the hell out of sitting home and binge-watching Blue Bloods, Law & Order, Law & Order C.I. ... no, wait.

Thank you to Bridget Moynahan for being the sexiest A.D.A on any television police show. She still misses Tom. Tom still misses Wes Welker and Rob Gronkowski.

Thanks to Modern Family and Criminal Minds for many years of entertainment. How unfortunate they were all too accurate, even though Criminal Minds got so dark I couldn't watch it anymore. The bad part, the truthfully awful, scary part, is they get their plot ideas from hanging around at courthouses and perusing real criminal cases.

Thanks to Larry & Joan, Dave & Janice, Lauren and Fernando and Karla and Wayne for being our built-in Arizona family before we ever even bought our house there. You guys have been nice to "come home to" every time we come out there and there is no replacing that feeling. Karla, next time we go for drinks, don't walk the wrong way around the hill to our meeting spot so we miss each other.

Thanks to Radio Free Phoenix for giving me a creative outlet for my wackiness and discourse. I don't even have to talk about the music, if I don't want to, right Janie Pecorella? We need a Nathan's night, girlfriend.

Thank you Whistleblower and Democrats for catching Donald Trump in the act. And what an act it has been. The trial is gonna' make The Intern look like junior high school civics class, including the whispered, under-your-breathe, giggled name-calling.

Thank you Danielle and Evan, respectively, for taking very good care of our retirement needs. TIAA and Ameriprise, I salute you.

Thank you, God, for Margot Robbie.

Thank you, God, for Ohio State being in the college football final four. My wife is not depressed this year. Just don't let them win it all or I'm going back to Arizona two weeks before her.

Thank you Rolling Stones for touring ... 50 years and still counting, counting the $5 million per concert, that is, on the U.S. tour this past summer. Now the Doobie Brothers, with Michael McDonald, no less, are doing a 50th, and the Beach Boys did seven years ago.

In the past 10 years, we have caught up with Springsteen and the E Street Band, the Stones, the Eagles (twice), Ray Davies (of the Kinks), Jackson Browne, Ringo Starr and his All-Starr Band and Crosby, Stills and Nash. Nobody picks a guitar like Steven Stills (okay, Clapton, and Joe Walsh), nobody has sold more albums than the Eagles, nobody has more fun than Ringo and his rotation of all-star mates from various Rock 'n' Roll, Hall-of-Fame bands, nobody is a consummate showman like Davies and nobody but nobody electrifies a crowd like Springsteen.

Nobody. However,  Davies has Cougars literally throwing themselves at him, trying to crawl up on the stage, at the end of his show (Girl, I want, to be with you, all of the time, all day, and all of the night...)

Thank you, God. Clarence Clemons, Tom Petty you are missed. Steve Perry, kiss and make up with Journey already.

Good night, Mrs. Calabash. Merry Chrismahanukwanzukah to all, Love, Jordan and Coop (and Grandpa).

Yeah, But How Do You Really Feel About...

So, the Schloss-Blog wants to know this morning, how do you really feel about ...

• Albany State - uh, UAlbany, putting an FCS playoff beatdown on Central Connecticut, 42-14, in the first round?
• Who the heck changed it to UAlbany? It was Albany State when I graduated (I did graduate).
• The announcers in the Arizona-Arizona State Territorial Cup Game getting the teams confused regularly (they did, watch the tape)?
• Did you stay up to watch BYU-San Diego State?
• Why?
• Or Army at Hawaii?
• At least that game was 52-31.
• The Great Danes won an FCS playoff game!
• Bring on Montana State. Bozeman, road trip, who's in?
• Will Trump or one of his sycophants testify at the Judiciary Committee hearings?
• Why?
• They'd be under oath and forced to speak truthfully.
• As if that matters to them.
• When is the next Camps Orinsekwa-Sonnikwa reunion?
• In NYC? East Berne? Anywhere?
• When is the next GDX reunion? We must have an anniversary of something to celebrate, boys.
• In Nashville, not Albany? Cool. Gear up, Wayne.
• When can I go back to Arizona? It's freaking cold here.
• UAlbany, really?
• What's next, UArmy?
• How does a guy just walk down the street in London and start stabbing people? How does this happen? Why is there so much hate out there?
• Can't wait for Trump to arrive in London for the NATO Summit this week and pour gasoline on that stabbing fire there. He'll say something insulting, you can bet on it. Boris Johnson, the British Prime Minister, is already making plans to keep his distance from and not meet individually with Trump. Johnson's popularity and approval ratings are bad enough as it is in England. And the Trump baby-in-diapers balloon is being prepped for his visit.
• Now that Trump and his sycophants have been invited to participate in the Judiciary Committee hearings, call witnesses, even testify themselves, as they've complained so much that they haven't been able to do, they won't.
• Are the Bears back? Do the Cowboys suck? We'll find out Thursday night. They're both lucky they had the Giants on their schedules.
• Final Four for the FBS playoffs are ... not including Alabama. Nyuck, Nyuck!
• Ohio State looks like it could beat the Giants, so if I was Jim Harbaugh, I would think twice before taking the Giants job.
• What a week: Trump and Saban embarrassed within days of each other. Does Saban have a Twitter account?
• UAlbany? Me tossing diploma.
• Good night, Mrs. Calabash. Back on the air tonight on Radio Free Phoenix.

This Is Gonna' Be Ugly

One thing is certain after the impeachment inquiry hearings in the House: the presidential campaign is going to be ugly in 2020 and will likely filter to down-ballot elections.

Which is a shame. Remember when we were one country, indivisible?

An angry Donald Trump, having to be the first president to run for reelection as an impeached president (OK, Andrew Johnson was, but he failed to get the party's nomination), will be even angrier than he normally is.

This is what you will hear on the campaign trail: open borders ... MS-13 ... coming for your guns. I'm still looking for MS-13 down the street from my Phoenix home. Maybe I should go get a gun that the government won't confiscate to protect myself against them.

Next thing you know, he'll be attacking Colin Kaepernick for being ... Colin Kaeparnick. If it wasn't for Colin Kaepernick, four talented quarterbacks who have never won a playoff game - Matthew Stafford, Derek Carr, Kirk Cousins and Jimmy Garoppolo - might not be among the four most highly paid players in the league, surpassed only by quarterbacks who have won or at least been to Super Bowls (Aaron Rodgers, Matt Ryan, et. al., and here comes Dak Prescott), because Kaepernick would likely have one of their jobs.

Well, at least the president found a sporting event at which he finally got cheered - had to go to Alabama to do it (shocker).

For Thanksgiving, I wish we weren't a divided nation. I wish Colin Kaepernick wasn't being blackballed. I wish Trump had not committed the impeachable acts of bribery, obstruction and abuse of power.

But Kaepernick was and still is and Trump did, respectively (see Hill, Fiona; and Sondland, Gordon; and dare I say Giuliani, Rudy).

It pains me to write this. Pains me that our nation is at this point. Pains me to watch our country's representatives have to go to the pains they have to debate and debunk openly on TV. Pains me that the president, aside from impeachment, who said he would obliterate the nation's debt, has actually increased it at record levels.

This broken promise, more than any impeachment process, will hurt us all going forward. If we all managed our household budgets the way the government manages out nation's budget we'd all be broke and homeless, our houses foreclosed upon, living out of our cars or in tent villages on the streets.

But the economy is great, right, greatest ever, right? Here comes the recession, brace yourselves.

Enjoy your Thanksgiving, avoid political discussion around the table, lest it really becomes "Knives Out" and be prudent in your Christmas shopping.

I mean, you don't want it to become ugly, right?

Good night, Mrs. Calabash

What Bothers You, Bothers Me Too

The Schloss-Blog usually talks about what bothers him, but today, we want to talk about what bothers you.

For instance, does it bother you that for all of their complaining, the Republicans are complaining about the process of the impeachment inquiry but not the actual items that will become lines in the Articles of Impeachment, should they be drafted (when they are drafted)?

For instance, does it bother you that ESPN keeps telling you what any certain team's chances are - in specific percentages - of making the College Football Playoff or the NFL playoffs, respectively? I can do that just by eyeballing any team's remaining schedule, as I'm sure you can too. How the heck do they figure out the specific percentages anyway? Who does ESPN think it is, Caesers Palace?

Does it bother you that Jim Jordan of Ohio is a jerk, just a jerk? This is a guy who, as an assistant wrestling coach, allegedly did not report sexual violations in his program but he's more than eager to accuse anyone who's not a Republican of every crime, violation and ethical misjudgment he can possibly think of.

Does it bother you that the Houston Astros have once again been accused of overt cheating, this time stealing signs with sophisticated technology and then communicating them to their hitters with garbage can drum rolls and whistles? Last time, the Astros were accused of hacking into the St. Louis Cardinals' computer systems and were fined for it.

Who do they think they are, the New England Patriots?

Speaking of the Patriots, Tom "I'm gonna' play until I'm 45" Brady has been putting up rather pedestrian numbers of late, especially since starting off the season with two spectacular games and another pretty good one. His QBR, that rating thing the NFL loves, is now at 58.6 though for the season, pretty ordinary. Worse than ordinary.

There is not another Gronk out there to save him or another Edelman or even a Welker. The prediction here, Gisele talks him into retiring (she's retired) and "banged-up" Andrew Luck comes out of retirement to replace him, while Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels becomes head coach in Bill Belichick's place.

Just watch. At least that would put an end to Belichick's entertaining press conferences.

But does it surprise anyone else not that Roger Stone was found guilty, rather quickly, of all seven counts against him, but that Trump could pardon him? Will he? Or would doing so be an admission of Trump's own guilt? Stone lied to Congress and federal investigators to protect Trump as part of the Mueller investigation (remember that?). He regularly predicted he'd be acquitted. Looks like he who lives in glass houses shouldn't be named Stone.

Ask Paul Manafort about a Trump pardon. Ask Mike Flynn. Ask Rick Gates. Ask George Papadopoulos (remember him - he started this whole thing). Heck, ask Celebrity Apprentice contestant Rod Blagojevich. His prize was a prison sentence.

The Mueller investigation, however, so dismissed by the president and his congressional patsies, continues to knock out home runs.

Finally, does it bother anyone that the Bears passed on Patrick Mahomes and DeShaun Watson in the draft to take Mitchell Trubisky? You get what you pay for and boy, did the Bears pay for this. If the Bears don't make the playoffs, should GM Ryan Pace be dusting off his resume?

Calling it a  night. Good night Mrs. Calabash. No radio show tonight - technical difficulties.

Picking Up Where We Left Off...

...the Schloss-Blog wants to pick up on the comment by The Schlossberg about ESPN's Gameday telecasts on Saturday mornings.

They suck.

They just suck, from the revamped opening song with Big & Rich to the formulaic stories and commentaries, it just plain sucks.

First of all, the prior version of "We're Comin' To Your City" with Lzzy Hale was much better than the current version, with the new hot blonde, but Lzzy Hale is da' bomb.

The new version doesn't have the impact, doesn't have the pizzaz, doesn't have that certain je ne sais quoi. It also doesn't have Big Kenny's bare armpits, which are gross.

Lzzy Hale puts everything into that song, and you can see it at the end when she strokes her last riff in exhaustion. Just watch it and tell me different. I don't even think Joey Hottinger takes her there.

Now, it's no longer big or rich. The show, that is. Neither is the song.

The show has become, as mentioned, so formulaic. From the opening song to the smiling panel declaring how great the games are going to be because of how great all the players are and because, most of all, of how big the game is. (OK, I admit it - I'm watching AM Joy on MSNBC by then.)

Every week, it's the next "game of the century." I mean, you better not skip Marshall against UConn. Sounds like a good NIT matchup though.

Moving right along, can't skip Maria Taylor's insightful interview with the coach of one of the participating teams. I mean, I don't know about you, but I definitely want to know what the team had for breakfast.

Soon thereafter, Tom Rinaldi introduces you to someone like me, who's been among The Walking Dead since last year, and is now the inspiration for a Fox animation series on Sunday nights. By the way, there is no known cure Walking Dead disease except a bullet to the head. No wonder people shoot themselves in the foot instead, just not while they stick foot in mouth.

Anyway, the only thing worth watching is the game-winner selections at the end of the show, while Lee Corso puts on a weird hat and tells everyone else how wrong they are while so often disappointing the home team crowd behind him so many times. His picks, while humorous, are predictable. Notre Dame. Alabama. Ohio State. Oklahoma. Florida. Clemson. The guest picker usually has a better percentage than The Coach. The guest picker, unless it's Jerry Seinfeld or Katy Perry, isn't worth watching.

Such a tough job. Such difficult analyses.

Chris Hilvert, wherever you are, you're right; time to give Fox Big Noon Kickoff a look. Well, for now - Urban Meyer will leave to become the head coach at USC or Texas or Arkansas or the New York Giants next year. Maybe the Los Angeles Chargers, who need to sell tickets in their new stadium because they suck (did you watch them against the Raiders?).

Of course, Jon Gruden and the Raiders need to make the playoffs to ensure their ticket sales and PSLs in Las Vegas next year. Their fans must be ready to commute from Oakland to Vegas next year because they are still selling out the old Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum to support a coach with an unprecedented 10-year, $100 million contract, whose recently fired brother will likely be his offensive coordinator next year.

Unless he's Urban Meyer's offensive coordinator at USC. Texas? New York Giants?

Did I mention that ESPN GameDay really sucks?

Someone tell Trump, who got booed at a UFC event, he can't have his chocolate cake and eat it too at the G7 at the Doral. And tell Gordon Sondland you can't lie to Congress.

And tell Trump to stop going to sporting events until he finds one at which he won't get booed, and to stop playing golf and making believe he's working. No, wait...

Happy 20th anniversary, Chris Matthews. Hardball rocks.

Happy birthday to me. Yes, Colleen Harrison, I am still 54 today. Again.

Tune in on Radio Free Phoenix tonight. You never know who gets a shout out, Bob Frisk. Goodnight Mrs. Calabash.

More questions...

So, the Schloss-Blog wants to know...

• Who's the best QB in college football: Herbert from Oregon? Fromm from Georgia? Book from Notre Dame? Burrow from LSU? Tagiovailoa from 'Bama? Patterson from Michigan? Stanley from Iowa? Ehlinger from Texas? In other words, who's eligible for the draft that the Bears can get? Fields from Ohio State is a true freshman, unfortunately.
• Why are the Bears about to go to 3-5?
• Hello, Andy Dalton is available. Eli Manning is available. Nick Foles might be. Cam Newton might be. Heck, Josh McCown is still playing.
• Just spent a weekend in Marin County, where they had the power turned off so the county wouldn't burn up. I get it, safety first. But while PG&E is doing these rolling blackouts, they are also the reason the rolling blackouts are happening. Meanwhile, I was eating chips and playing Scattegories by candlelight with my cousins.
• Why am I going to the Sicilian Butcher for dinner on my anniversary? Sounds like I'm walking into a mob movie. Isn't that where Luca Brasi was killed in Godfather?
• Gonna' play golf with my friend Dave next week. Unless he's going for an MRI on his foot. Or is it his knee? His arm? It's calld, geting old. Older.
• How did Clemson, Alabama and LSU all have the same Saturday off?
• Why does my alma mater (for my M.A.), Northern Illinois, suck this year? Got clobbered by Central Michigan this weekend.
• Remember when UCF was Central Florida? What's wrong with being called Central Florida? They get ticked off if you call them Central Florida.
• Why is my undergraduate alma mater, SUNY-Albany, formerly Albany State, now called UAlbany? That's a powerful athletic connotation. UAlbany, me not happy about it.
• Notre Dame, Texas, Florida, USC, Washington, Michigan are all out of it for the FCS title. Good. Can't stand listening to their obnoxious fans, especially the Irish.
• Is that new WWE-sponsored football league gonna' make it when it comes back next year? Really? Are they trying again? Donald Trump for commissioner - he needs something to do when he's done playing president.
• Any truth to the rumor that the new TV show "Evil" is based on the Trump family history of discriminatory housing, everywhere from Queens to Baltimore?
• While I'm happy that I'll be able to come back to my Arizona place earlier than usual this spring, it's because my snowbird-tenant the last six years is battling cancer. Sad. That was not the reason why I wanted to be able to come back to the desert earlier than I usually do in the spring.
• The Washington Nationals are scheduled to go to the White House on Monday. Will they all go, especially the minority team members? The Red Sox minority team members didn't last year, including and especially their Puerto Rican. And do the Nats remember that their fans mercilessly booed the president when he was at game 5 of the World Series last week, so how is attending the White House going to sit with their fans (Trump is highly unpopular in D.C. and the area)?
• Why were the Bears the hit of the league last year and suck this year? Has everyone just caught on to their schemes?
• My Giants and Jets still suck. What else is new? New York sports suck right now.
• Quiz (no googling): Name the nine teams in the NHL, MLB, NBA and NFL whose nicknames do not end in an 's' and do it in less than a minute. Then name the six pairs of teams in the same four leagues that have the exact same nicknames (example: in college, Kentucky "Wildcats" and Northwestern "Wildcats," an exact match). 

Good luck. Listen in to the Howard Hours on Radio Free Phoenix. I'm on Saturday and Sunday next weekend, 9-midnight, Arizona time. You never know who gets a shout-out, right Bill Filetti? Good night, Mrs. Calabash.