North By Nordwestern

People need to learn how to use language.

For instance, Nordstrom told me I'd have a jacket coming from another store in 5 days. I didn't. Then they said it actually takes 3-8 days.

There was a time Nordstrom was known for its unparalleled service, not for making excuses. Once I get that jacket delivered, they're going to lose a good customer.

Me.

***

So I'm reading Chicago Magazine and in a response to a criticism of their "Power 100" edition, they mention that "...Chicago [Magazine] does not accept free meals at Next or any restaurant it reviews."

Fair enough, and I certainly hope so. But does that mean they do accept free meals at restaurants they don't review? Or that they accept free meals at restaurants and then just don't review them? C'mon guys, get the lingo down right.

BTW, Grant Achatz way ahead of Dick Durbin in the city's "Power 100?" Really? Durbin could probably find a way to shut Achatz down if he really wanted to, but I doubt Achatz could knock Durbin out of the U.S. Senate. Time to change the name to "Influential 100."  Maybe "Popular 100," ya' think?

***

Is it true, the Dolphins were considering cutting Brandon Marshall just before the Bears swooped in and served up a couple of draft choices for him?

So, the Bears fired a GM (Jerry "Whistle Dixie" Angelo) who screwed up and signed an alleged drug dealer (Sam Hurd) so they could hire a new GM (Phil Emery) who could trade for a wide receiver (Marshall) with a documented police record of domestic battery and assault.

A Chicago Tribune reader, sizing up the team on offense, commented that Marshall's addition to the Bears means "...the possibilities are awesome."

Yeah, that's what Marshall's wife said.

***

Ace reporter Warren Sapp of the NFL Network says former Saints tight end Jeremy Shockey is the "rat" who spilled to the league on the New Orleans "bounty" program administered by now-suspended former defensive coordinator Gregg Williams.

Call it the "Invasion of the Bounty Snatchers" or the "Invasion of the Body Snappers," but whatever you call it, Warren Sapp is hardly the investigative reporter I trust to break the story on who the "rat" is.

At least, that's what Drew Brees told me.

***

In the great traditions of Brandon Roy, Sam Bowie and even Arvydis Sabonis, yet another star Portland Trailblazer has been released or retired prematurely due to injury in the person of Greg Oden.

How did Yao Ming not end up on this franchise?

***

The Arena Football League has opened its season amid player unrest on the labor front and organizational  finances in question, or so ace investigative reporter Warren Sapp is saying.

And I keep asking myself, "Yeah, so what?"

Howard Schlossberg is editor of the Journal of Sports Media, with his first edition due out this year. He's an associate professor of journalism at Columbia College Chicago, where creativity and learning are embraced hand-in-hand. And he still writes sports for the Daily Herald in Chicago's northwest suburbs. http://journalsportsmedia.blogspot.com; www.colum.edu; http://www.facebook.com/pages/CCC-Journalism-Columbia-College-Chicago/115604591875424  

NBA, NCAA, NFL Nonsense Knows No Ends

My notebook's getting stuffed...


Recently read a column in Sports Business Journal declaring the moments that "...built the modern NBA." One of them was the original 1992 "Dream Team." Rocked the world. Creamed everyone at the Olympics.


Three Olympics later, Argentina won it all, we finished third. Didn't take the rest of the world long to catch up, did it?


                                ***


Same column also claimed the creation of and absorption of several ABA teams into the NBA helped invent an atmosphere of "free-wheeling...style."


Only four teams were "absorbed" and as to that free-wheeling style? It's called, no one plays defense anymore.


                                ***


Recently read a headline declaring that the Chicago Bears should select a quality receiver quickly in the upcoming NFL draft and sign a talented, veteran wide receiver ASAP in free agency.


Let's see, the Bears' divisional rivals, the Detroit Lions, drafted wide receivers in the first round in three of the four drafts between 2004-2007. Five years later, with only two of those three receivers still on their roster, they finally appeared in a playoff game.


Without needing tickets.


                                ***


The University of Illinois has fired (bought out) its football coach and its men's and women's basketball coaches this academic year. It required a total buyout of $7.12 million. Million. To require them not to work.


So far, while Ohio State was bringing in Urban Meyer to become its head football coach, Illinois has brought in some guy from Toledo. Speaks for itself...


                                ***


AARP The Magazine recently did a wonderful, in-depth profile on Sharon Stone, walking us through the adversities she has faced and either overcome or is in the process of overcoming. A terrific piece. Inspirational. I admire her. Respect her.


BTW, AARP The Magazine, you forgot to ask if she's bisexual. Just saying...


                                ***


The Ricketts family, which owns the Cubs, wants money from Illinois to fix up Wrigley Field and money from Arizona to fix up HoHoKam. This after two years of ownership and two fifth-place finishes in its division.


The more I read stuff like this the more I am convinced that pro franchises are nothing more than toys for rich people to manage with other people's money.


And welcome to Chicago, Theo. Good luck. Even if the Ricketts don't get all the money they want from respective government bodies, don't worry, I'll buy ya' a beer. No, really. OK, a Starbucks.


                               ***


The more I see of the Super Bowl aftermath, the more I'm convinced the only ones there were sponsors, their clients, celebrities, retired players who can almost still walk and a bunch of NFL security personnel. The latter spent all their time seizing everything from unlicensed merchandise before someone showed up wearing it on TV to all the illicit drugs they could find in the pockets of NFL players, in the game or not.


Should have confiscated Jim Irsay's cell phone or shut down his Twitter account. Or both.


Can't wait for SB 47. Uh, XLVII.


                              ***


Howard Schlossberg is editor of the Journal of Sports Media, with his first edition due out this year. He's an associate professor of journalism at Columbia College Chicago, where creativity and learning are embraced hand-in-hand. And he still writes sports for the Daily Herald in Chicago's northwest suburbs. http://journalsportsmedia.blogspot.com; www.colum.edu; http://www.facebook.com/pages/CCC-Journalism-Columbia-College-Chicago/115604591875424
                                                                           

This Guest Always Welcome

Jim Guest is one of those guys you meet everyday. Except you don't.

He's a Hall of Fame high school gymnastics coach. A molder of talent, character, integrity, pride and accomplishment. He makes people better. Not just better gymnasts (he's had multiple team state champions and too many individual champions to count). He makes them better people.

They become coaches. Teachers. Parents. Mentors. Administrators. Athletics directors. You name it. Then they help students become better people, athletes, gymnasts ... you get it by now.

The world needs more Jim Guests. He was the same person I met when we played softball together more than 20 years ago as he is now, entering the Illinois High School Association Girls Gymnastics Coaches Association Hall of Fame a few weeks ago. I was honored to attend his luncheon. Listen to his presenter, a former athlete of his, tell the funny and poignant tales that make him who he is.

And I'll be as honored to buy him a beer one of these nights, if we can find one, as I always was to buy him one after a softball game, after he got a key hit or made a key defensive play to help us to a win. Or not.

Jim's one of those guys intensely focused on winning. Gymnastics titles. Team titles. And, more importantly, family titles. Like successful dad, husband, provider.

And my friend. Thanks, Jim...

***

According to www.dictionary.com, the word "inflection" means "...

...the process or device of adding affixes to or changing the shape of a base to give it a different syntactic function without changing its form."

I'm concentrating on it here because Cubs' owner Tom Ricketts used it repeatedly with the media the other day in Arizona as the Cubs, who haven't won a World Series in 103+ years, prepare for year 104. He called this year's shake-up of the front office "an inflection point...an inflection point for the organization."

I don't know about any of you out there, but the "syntactic" part is the thing I'm really excited about. Can't wait for that to take shape.

Ricketts also told the media, assembled in sunny Mesa, Ariz., that Cubs fans should "...have expectations" this year, as opposed to patience. He expects to have a good year, a great year. He's excited about the "Cubs Way" manual new Baseball President Theo Epstein is instilling throughout the entire organization.

Have expectations, huh fans? Be careful what you ask for, Mr. Ricketts. Cubs fans with expectations are called people who still hate Steve Bartman.

***

ESPN the Magazine wants to know what the greatest rivalry in sports is. Ohio State-Michigan football is what they say. 

And here I always thought it was, "Scott Pilgrim Versus The World." The difference between ESPN the Magazine's pick and mine is that Scott Pilgrim gets laid if he wins. The Ohio State-Michigan loser, well,  gets f--ked.

***

Do you believe in conspiracies? If not, why haven't the Patriots won the Super Bowl since the famous "Spygate" incident of 2007 when they were caught filming the Jets sideline in a game, the tape was destroyed and the once dynastic team is still searching for a Super Bowl win (thank you, Eli Manning)?

Screw you and your God-damn hoodie, Belichick...

***

What's the best sports movie ever? "Moneyball," nominated for this year's best? "Remember the Titans." "Slapshot." "Bad News Bears" (the original - it was pretty freakin' funny with Walter Matthau as a convincing drunk for a coach).

Me? I'll take "Miracle." The 1980 U.S. Hockey Team's upset of the Russians might have been the greatest sports upset ever and it definitely spawned the single greatest sports photo I've ever seen. The cover of the ensuing S.I. was just the team falling over itself and the American flag waving in the background in the stands and no other words on the cover except, "Sports Illustrated" and the date.

How do I know? I'm staring at it right now. It remains and always will remain centered in my office/den bookcase. Thank you S.I. And Herb Brooks. And Kurt Russell, who had him down perfectly in the flick. 

Almost cried. Almost...Can never see Mike Eruzione's goal go in enough times or hear Al Michaels' call, "Do you believe in miracles?" enough times.

Ever.

All those other great sports flicks have great endings and the heroes overcome adversity and win. So does the U.S. team in "Miracle."

Except, for real...

***

Peyton Manning and $28 million. Andrew Luck and about $19 million (see Newton, Cam). Give me both and shut up about the whole thing already, OK everybody? Manning deserves to finish his career in the town renamed in his honor - Peytonapolis. Sorry, Reggie Miller. Conference final's greatness, even at Madison Square Garden, doesn't override a Super Bowl title. You get Miller Avenue, maybe.

Irsay, give Manning what he deserves and Luck what he needs - Manning to groom him.

***

Howard Schlossberg is editor of the Journal of Sports Media, with his first edition due out this year. He's an associate professor of journalism at Columbia College Chicago, where creativity and learning are embraced hand-in-hand. And he still writes sports for the Daily Herald in Chicago's northwest suburbs. http://journalsportsmedia.blogspot.com; www.colum.edu; http://www.facebook.com/pages/CCC-Journalism-Columbia-College-Chicago/115604591875424

Suddenly Super. Or ... not

You watched the Super Bowl, even though your team didn't play in it.. You know you did, between sips and bites and ogling someone else's Significant Other.


My team played. My Giants. In case you missed it, they won. I couldn't even look at the live play unfold some of the time, I'm so superstitious, so nervous and so devout a fan.


My friend Gary and I usually call each other after a Giants appearance in the Super Bowl, Knicks appearance in the NBA finals or Rangers appearance in the Stanley Cup Finals. OK, that's not a lot of phone calls, but who's counting.


After the final gun, when the Brady Bunch's Hail Mary hit the turf, I picked up my phone to call Gary. And then remembered I couldn't. He died as a result of a bizarre accident last year.


Even after all these years, I'm still Y.A. Tittle to his Del Shofner. I'm still Walt Frazier to his Bill Bradley. I'm still Mark Messier to his ... eh, what did he know about hockey anyway?


We swapped calls after Latrell Sprewell carried the Knicks into an NBA Finals they'd lose; after the Giants got embarrassed by the Ravens in the Super Bowl; and after Eli hit Plax with the game-winner four years ago (Plax shoulda' kept running after he caught that one).


And I was about to call him Sunday after Tom Brady's last hurrah fluttered to the end zone ground, with Patriots fans wishing Rob Gronkowski had a good enough ankle with which to dive for it (if he did, the whole game would've been different and that Hail Mary play likely never would've happened anyway).


Gary passed 13 months ago and I've still never erased his contact info from my computer or my cell phone.


And I never will.

***

As good as Moneyball was on the big screen (it got six Academy Award nominations), Pride of the Yankees got 11, most ever for a sports movie (awarded only one though). Sylvester Stallone's Rocky went 3-for-10.

***

Will someone please tell President Sports-Obrama to stop borrowing and spending. We can't run our households like that. We'd be on the street, homeless. How much you want to bet he shows up at the Final 4? And at a Bulls' playoff game, especially if it's game seven of the Eastern Conference finals versus Miami.

Mr. Sports-Obrama, please hold all federal spending at current levels until the budget is balanced, no matter how long it takes. If I can do it at home, so can you. Stop making believe you're George Dubya' on a prewar shopping spree. This is why we elected you in '08. Romney can't fix it. Gingrich won't, except to spend any excesses on gfs.

Sports-Obrama won't either. It isn't politically expedient, especially if you want to get re-elected. And get choice seats for the Final Four. And Bulls' playoff games.

***

Madonna will never perform at a Bulls' playoff game, but her halftime show was great, striking a blow for my generation, with no Usher dropping in from the sky nor Slash popping up from under the stage. As good as that group is from last year's game, by comparison, their show was more like Black Eyed P-U. And thanks to M.I.A. for reminding us that Janet Jackson's wardrobe malfunction will never be forgotten but can be beaten. Anyway, they said Madonna is 53. I believe she actually has a (Don't Cry For Me) Argentina birth certificate which likely says she's older, like most South American athletes with whom she, uh, plays ball. But doesn't she still looks good enough to eat?

Out with.

***

Odds: Patriots are Las Vegas' Super Bowl favorites already for next year. I guess Wes Welker can drop key passes in consecutive Super Bowls ... Isn't it great how NBC shamelessly promo'd its "The Voice," which debuted after the game (nice lead-in audience) with stars Blake Shelton singing pre-game and Cee Lotso' Green joining Madonna at halftime. Only thing worse would've been having Christina Aguilera flubbing lines from the National Anthem. No, wait ... I don't know about you, but now that the Super Bowl is over, I'm going to Disney World. Hey, I want to go someplace quiet while the G8 and NATO Summits host a few thousand protesters here in Chi-town. Besides, I've already got my house rented out for those weeks. Gotta' remember though to switch the contents of my Amaretto and apple juice bottles before I leave.


Prediction: Next year's Super Bowl, one more legacy group, The Eagles, perform at halftime, and Miley and Billy Ray Cyrus screw up the words to the National Anthem before the game. Lord, please, take me to Disney World.


Howard Schlossberg is editor of the Journal of Sports Media, with his first edition due out this year. He's an associate professor of journalism at Columbia College Chicago, where creativity and learning are embraced hand-in-hand. And he still writes sports for the Daily Herald in Chicago's northwest suburbs. http://journalsportsmedia.blogspot.com; www.colum.edu; http://www.facebook.com/pages/CCC-Journalism-Columbia-College-Chicago/115604591875424

Why I want to cover Madonna. No, J-Lo. No, Gwen Stefani. No, ...

I WANT TO COVER THE SUPER BOWL ... MEDIA DAY, THAT IS

The best part of the Super Bowl is ... Media Day.

All the weirdos come out. Would-be brides. Scantily dressed (would-be) female reporters (with all genuine respect to Christine Brennan, the first, and last, of her breed).

All the weird questions come out. Marry me! Who's gonna' win? (D'oh.) How many points will your team score ("Uh, more than the other team"). Can you pull off a Joe Namath (response: "Who's he?").

The best part of Media Day is ... the media. We get to show how poor we are (we don't prepare and why should we when you can cover the whole game from the headquarters' hotel lobby on your laptop or iPad based on info from press releases).

The reality is that everyday is Media Day. Reporters from all outlets have to file stories everyday. Someone has to ask dumb questions, and we have dumb questions: how will you stop Tom Brady [with a Lugar]; How will you solve the 49ers defense [by hijacking their bus]; Who's gonna' guard Hakeem Nix (no one; we're counting on Eli to screw up].

And the big one: can you beat God - uh, Tebow?

Media Day is full of an international gathering of reporters who can't speak English writing about players they can't understand playing a game they've never seen in a stadium full of drunks.

My question: what's Madonna wearing? And is there a party where I can hit on her?

***

Great quote in the local papers from Cubs new GM Jed Hoyer: "Anytime you go with young players, it's the right thing to do." Welcome to year 105, Cubs fans.

***

If you watch ESPN, you've seen the promos for, "It's not crazy, it's sports." This current theme is what people have risked on bets: being dropped off in the middle of nowhere in a baby outfit; spilling water all over the crotch of your pants so it looks like you peed all over yourself; oddly shaved hair and beard. I want to meet the people who make bets like that and the people who thought to display that in network promos.

ESPN has finally gone over the top. Its promos are too ridiculous. ESPN was once fun to watch because it didn't take itself too seriously. Oh, for the good old days...

***

The Bears are edging closer to naming a GM. Except who wants to be GM of a team where all the GM's decisions have already been made (coach and staff; front-office personnel; roster core)? OK, I'll do it, but only if they call within the next 10 minutes.

***

Some Cubbies are saying the NL Central is up for grabs, what with Prince Fielder gone and Ryan Braun missing in action for 50 games in Milwaukee, plus Albert Pujols outta' here. Hey Cubbies, look around: Brewers have a real pitching staff, Cardinals have a championship staff.

***

Hall-of-Famer Warren Moon calls Oklahoma State's Justin Blackmon a "...beast...like Dez Bryant with all of his brain cells." Uh, Warren, don't get presumptive...

***

The Indianapolis colts reportedly will take Andrew Luck with the first pick in the NFL draft. The NY Jets media will reportedly take Peyton Manning with the first paragraph in their NFL draft coverage.

***

OK, Madonna, prove our generation is better than theirs and outshine the Peas and Q's who performed last year at halftime. Wait a minute, did I say performed?

Enjoy the game. The football too...

Howard Schlossberg is editor of the Journal of Sports Media, with his first edition due out this year. He's an associate professor of journalism at Columbia College Chicago, where creativity and learning are embraced hand-in-hand. And he still writes sports for the Daily Herald in Chicago's northwest suburbs. http://journalsportsmedia.blogspot.com; www.colum.edu; http://www.facebook.com/pages/CCC-Journalism-Columbia-College-Chicago/115604591875424

Careful what you ask for...

The media asks for so much.


Accountability and transparency from coaches, GMs and managers. So how much do you want to bet that when the Colts draft Andrew Luck with the No. 1 pick in the NFL draft and let Peyton Manning go, the NY media will be screaming in blood for the Jets to go get him, at any cost (imagine the Manning brothers both in NY - oy!).


The New York media just did that to the Knicks to go get Carmelo Anthony last year. So the Knicks did. And gave up four-fifths of a starting lineup to get him. And finished no better than they would've without him, subsequently whisked out of the playoffs.


Anthony would've been a free agent and the Knicks could've finished how and where they did anyway and then just signed him and given up far, far less. The spirit of Isiah Thomas just lives on and on in the organization.


And the NY media loves to encourage it...

***

Would somebody please tell ESPN's "Mike and Mike In The Morning" to only ask regular guest Dick Vitale about basketball, particularly college basketball. I could not care less what he thinks about the NFL playoffs, which they asked him about this morning. Then again, I'm beginning to care less and less of what he thinks about college basketball, for that matter, baybeeeee...

***

This just in: Bulls crowned NBA champs. By Chicago media...

***

Here's a tip for the media that covers the Bears: after spending the last two years complaining that the Bears don't have a true No. 1 receiver (whatever that really is in NFL parlance), then please get all over the Bears from now till draft day to trade up and get Justin Blackmon from Oklahoma State. The kid appears to be the next Calvin Johnson or Steve Smith. Right now, the Bears don't even have Joe the Plumber. Or a GM with whom to get him, having fired Jerry Angelo (and retained head coach Lovie Smith, hmmm...).

Get all over the Bears now to do this and stay all over them or don't complain when they don't do it and instead use that No. 19 pick to take a large person from Samoa who projects to be a great defensive lineman but has never played football before.

***

Did I mention that the Bulls have already won the NBA championship? Read it somewhere in a local paper here in Chicagoland.

Did I mention that we've only had a trace of snow so far this winter in Chicago? No, wait, really, that's all we've had.

***

Michael Jordan's to-do list: Make reservations in Vegas; book tee times in Vegas; reserve private jet while in Vegas to make 45-minute flight to go see NBA game in Phoenix (maybe the Bobcats will be in town); book Vegas hotel chapel for 10 minutes, get married; call Charles Barkley, see if he's kept off weight he's lost and would consider a comeback together; book a suite at Vegas hotel for a couple of hours for a wedding reception; scout that good 3-point shooter at UNLV as long as I'm in town.

***

Caleb Hanie was a hero in Chicago when he rallied the Bears in the Jan. 2011 NFC title game against the Packers, a performance which made him a lock to be the Bears' No. 2 QB this season. After a gazillion interceptions in four games in relief of injured Jay Cutler this year, Hanie has returned to being just another No. 2 QB (hello, Tim Tebow) who will likely be shopping for an apartment in San Diego, Dallas, Atlanta, Tampa or who-knows-where next year. Maybe Calgary.


It snows there. 


Howard Schlossberg is editor of the Journal of Sports Media, with his first edition due out this year. He's an associate professor of journalism at Columbia College Chicago, where creativity and learning are embraced hand-in-hand. And he still writes sports for the Daily Herald in Chicago's northwest suburbs. http://journalsportsmedia.blogspot.com; www.colum.edu; http://www.facebook.com/pages/CCC-Journalism-Columbia-College-Chicago/115604591875424

2012 sports media award nominees

Hi:


I'm back for 2012. Two of my Sports classes have to blog, and to bond with them, I blog with them. So I'll be here a few times a week through May, at least.


Now then, the tops in sports media for 2012:

• Please, Chicago media, don't put the Cubs in the World Series yet just because Theo Epstein is in town. He got a little lucky in Boston. The '04 Yankees collapsed. And the NHL folded for the season. Prior to that, the last time there was no Stanley Cup finals was 86 years earlier, which was also the last time the Red Sox had won a World Series. Coincidence? Hmmm...      

• Please, national baseball media, don't tell me the Kansas City Royals are AL Central contenders this year. You tried that last year and it didn't work. They're small market, they lose their best players to the big markets and they suck. Period.

• If sports reporters knew the games better than the coaches, managers and general managers they cover and write about, they'd be the coaches, managers and general managers instead of writing about them. Cover the game, don't second-guess the guys in charge (let them do it themselves, they will), and make sure the A-Rods of the world are exposed as the A-Holes that they are.

• I will miss Vin Scully after this year. Simply the best. Ever. Anywhere. A statue in his honor outside Dodger Stadium would never be an appropriate way to honor him. In fact, there isn't one. He had a vocabulary unparalleled and a voice that was the Sinatra of sportscasters.

• Please, Lord, let T.O. get injured just badly enough when he returns to play arena football that we don't have to hear about him the rest of the season or this year, for that matter.

• Instead of Te-bows, how about covering the Bronc-ohs.

• ESPN, I love those Make-A-Wish tandem stories you do about people overcoming adversity to be able to enjoy a moment in the sun with a favorite team or player. Very heartwarming, enjoyable and caring. Still doesn't cover up all the sores exposed in "ESPN: Those Guys Have All The Fun." You have a lot of work to do.

• Someone, anyone, tell me how Michigan got into a BCS game and Michigan State (conference runnerup who beat them) and Boise State (ranked twice as high in the BCS) did not. Must have been a gift for firing Rich Rodriguez.

• I'm boycotting the BCS title game. I thought they had a safeguard in place to prevent teams that didn't win their conferences, let alone their divisions in their conferences, from playing in the BCS title game after Nebraska did just that some years ago. BCS = Big Championship Scam

• Oh yeah, the Penn State thing, it's over. Let 'em play, let's see who they hire and cover the trial, that's a mandate. But don't forget to cover the healing and the rebuilding.

• I would be remiss in closing without a heartfelt farewell to those I lost in 2011: Clio, Carol Ruden, Gary Kruh, Ed Planer, Rose Economou and Pete Gent. A cuddler, a cousin, a closest-friend-ever, a chairperson, a colleague and a curmudgeon if there ever was one, respectively.

Howard Schlossberg is editor of the Journal of Sports Media, with his first edition due out this year. He's an associate professor of journalism at Columbia College Chicago, where creativity and learning are embraced hand-in-hand. And he still writes sports for the Daily Herald in Chicago's northwest suburbs. http://journalsportsmedia.blogspot.com; www.colum.edu; http://www.facebook.com/pages/CCC-Journalism-Columbia-College-Chicago/115604591875424